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THE NOLLEGE CUES

April Fool



Hygiene Passe; Orals To Go!

Elsewhere in this issue we have printed.a sample of the
“general knowledge” exam which is at long last. replacing
the unpopular hygiene exam. We feel that this new examin-
tion is a big improvement, since the knowledge one gajns
from doing research on these questions is much more useful
than facts about the different vitamin groups and how many

glasses of water one should drink a day to keep healthy.

We

are also pleased to see that the editorial opinion of the Cues
bears some weight with the faculty and administration. Our
faith in the power of the press has been renewed.

The advantages of this type of “general knowledge”
exam are many and beneficial.
is initiated into the joys of doing research on many ob-
scure and interesting topics.
this type of work is invaluable since, in looking for the ans-
wers in a number of obscure sources, one is introduced to

the student gains a ]
sity of knowledge ex!



In the first place, the student

The experience gained from

areas of knowledge whose existence was not even suspected.
~The second~benefit’ springs directly from this~experience— |
proper awe and reverence for the diver-
hibited by the framers of the exam, and

is encouraged in all her academic endeavors by the achieve-
ments of those who have gone beforé. She realizes how in-
significant and unworthy is the small amount of learning
she has acquired.

The acquisition of useful information is a great aid in

impressing acquaintances (the third benefit) with how well-|-
educated and well-rounded (fourth benefit) one. is.

The stu-

dent is enabled to contribute at least one fact of obscure but
relevant information to any conversation, thus adding glory
and lustre to the Bryn Mawr academic reputation.

We of the editorial staff heartily endorse this examina-
tion, firmly believing that “general knowledge” of this type
is necessary and beneficial for the student. :

(P. P.)



a
Ars Apoetica
A Definitive Study, Of Occasional Rhyme And/Or Reason
by Jessen Ketchup (with thanks to Archibald MacLeish)

Study is not meant to end

_Nor mend

(The traditional tea is such:
At which the few agreeably eat much).

The trump card, Custom, says: Never a midnight vig-
fl keep, but for ton wena

In ‘jae

The student’s eye should not only glaze, but glass

4 student should be palpitant and mute
As an unstrung lute

A question is not not

That to which the answer’s “what?”

(The sole saw to this season’s well bard scene may be:
‘Faint heart never - - - ‘One to Fair Lady’!”)

Wise ivied walls are those
Phat the good student from the bad sun’s rays foreclose

(A weekend’s that in which
Even a pressagent Nike might forsake her niche)

“

‘So that she may create from great book-strewn quarries
The ten page answer to her querries

Though a nice library

s gnomic tome does oft less bear, than bury

(No, there’s no excuse, save unwithheld truth, for these
Select parentheses)

Now, see the open mind will,
Formed to its pellucid best, equal but ‘vacancy’

q For sure, a college should not mean
a But be.



Calendar

Wednesday, March 27

10:31 p.m. — Water. fight,

Cloister

‘Pool,

Library, between

: Wyndham and the Pembroke-
Rhoads residents. Students are
reminded to: uring er

“buckets.

- 11:00 sa cla Harvard.

Bicone

March 28

Ey omR Goodhart. Everyone is in-
vited. Everyone should come.
Friday, March 29

1:30 p.m.—Last lunch before

Pe ges - Spring Vacation ... fish! -
oo)... 11:00 pan—Mixer, U. Va.

1917 B.C.

Dug up a few stone tablets the
other day, and to our surprise they
were the remnants of that thriving
publication (as ever) The Nollege
Cues. Methods of Sumerian and
Egyptian expression of events in
the Minoan were, to say the least,
quite incongruous with their mod-
fern counterparts; incongruous when
taken in the attitude of contempor-
ary orientation. In other words:
Things Have Changed!

Here’s an article from the Janu-
ary 19, 1917 B.C. Cues. “A rep-







Ipsa

topic.

them are human) are:
1. Demetridon
Peatyrrhines.
Berthoff.
Eumenides.
Linn.
J. Caesar.
Spinoza.
Tennyson.
Matthew Arnold.
Mrs. Browning.

DMI A HH ow fo

10.
11.

Thinkers.

sider that:

III.
(A. Sudden Thought

‘BB. Concrete Thought
‘C. Concrete Thought

above).
IV. Some Great Thoughts
thunk.

B...- Tears, idle tears.

C. Alas, there’s a pigeon on the grass,
V. Some people aren’t influenced by Great Thinkers.
A. Those who hate Great Thinkers.
‘B. Those who hate to Think.
C. All six-week non-thinkers.

Dixit

by Deleanor Wham

It has come to, our attention that freshmen are writing papers.
The basis of a good paper is, of course, a good outline and a meaty
The title of this paper, for which the outline is given below,
is “A Synthesis of Great Thought.”

I. Great Thinkers have influenced almost everyone.

A. Exceptions will be mentioned later.
B. Some of these thinkers in chronological order (most of

Pritzen, Cross, Livingston, Green, Meek.
II. Sometimes Great Thinkers greatly influence other Great

A. For an example of this functional phenomenon let us con-

1. Plato influenced Socrates.
2. Socrates influenced Spinoza.
3. ‘Browning influenced Mrs. Browning.
4. Pritzen, Cross, Livingston, Green, Meek, Berthoff, Linn
(counter-influence).
There are different kinds of thought.

1. This is the sort that strikes Great Thinkers in the mid-
dle of the night, provoking sudden Truth.

1. Exemplified by buried thought of. Demetridon.
2. iNever seen in broad daylight, but can be felt. |

1. (Requires heavy brain case.
2. We suspect only Demetridon (no other thick skulls

A.
¢ (E.\W., D. H.)



the old boy asked.
“Swiss steak, broccoli and Bart-
lett’s pears. Do you want some?”
“No, I will eat_at home”, The
food was no fiction.

“I have yesterday’s paper and I
will read the chess”. The old boy
did not know whether yesterday’s
paper was a non-fiction too, The
young man brought it out from
under his Wall Street Journal.

“Alfred Ochs Adler gave it to
me at the newsstand,” he explain-
ed.

“You can tell me about the
chess”, said the old boy.

“The Yalies cannot lose.”

“But I fear the Indians of Dart-
mouth,”

“Have faith in the Yalies, my
son,”

“I fear both the Tigers of Prince-
ton and the Indians of Dartmouth.”

“Be careful or you will fear
even the Crimsons. of Cambridge
and the Blue Sox of Bryn Mawr.”

“I can go now for the potato
chips”, the old boy said. When: he
came back, the young man’s news-
paper lay across his knees and the
weight of his fourth fingernail held
it there in the evening breeze. He
was right handed,

The next day the sun rose mea-
gerly from the millpond and he
always thought of the millpond as
la millpond while others spoke of
it as-te millpond which is mascu-
line, The young man. paddled his

of the pond and lassoed a goose:

“Goose”, the young man said
aloud, “big goose”. He had no
mysticism about geese. The goose
moved steadily and they traveled
slowly on the-calm water... Sudden-



Saturday, March 30 : ly the goose turned upside down
“First day of: Spring Se resentative from the Lower Merion, and dived into the millpond. Then

‘Sleep. Pyramid Society will be around to he began to pity the gray goose he.

- Sunday, March 31 the halls this week to collect old}had hooked. He is wonderful and
‘Second day of Rattan. Yacstion, stones, rocks, jewels, and mummies | strong and who knows how old he

‘Sleep. for their latest project .. . Opera-|is, he thought. Never have I had

Monday, April 1 tion Tutankamen. We're all glad|such a stupid goose nor one who
“April Fools Day, Sleep. to hear that they’re finally getting |ected so strangely.

‘Tuesday, Apell 2 | rid ofthe old boy.” “Goose”, he said softly aloud,
: Eaeeeerez., “Is Sumer Icumen in? “jump goose, jump.” His right



Seen Se



washtub out alone into- the-center|~

The Young Man and The Millpond

Continued from Page 1

of foot is that?” he said, “If only
IT had been born with two left feet.”

It was three days of darkness
and light now since he had said
goodbye to the old boy. Aloud he
said, “I wish I had the old boy.”
But you do not have the old boy.
“If the others heard: me talking
out loud they would think that I
was crazy but since I am not crazy
I do not care. I only catch geese.”

(For three days and three nights
and 35 pages the goose stayed up-
side down in the millpond.

“You goose”, sa the young
man. Hé peered into the water.
“I should have worked for IBM,
goose”, he said. “I am_ sorry,
goose.”

He was stiff and sore now and
his potato chips were all gone. The
goose did not budge in the depths
of the below.

You are beaten, he thought to
himself, and what beat you. .

When he sailed out into the mill-
pond’s bank, the lights were out
and he knew everyone was at the
television set. He was asleep when
the old boy looked in the door in
the morning.

Many geese-catchers were around
the millpond looking at what was
at the center of it and one was in
the water, his bermuda shorts roll-
ed up, measuring the goose. The
old boy did not go down.

“Go tell Aunt Jody”, one of the
men shouted.

“Why?”

“The old pray ¢ goose is dead.”

“Died in the Millpond?”

“A-standing on her head”, the
man nodded.

That afternoon Aunt Jody and
her party were down at the mill-
pond. *

q. didn’t ‘anew geese had such
handsome beautifully formed tails!”

“I didn’t know either”, her male
companion said.

aie ais sani ei bin ‘shine, the
young man was sleeping again.
He was sleeping on his draft board
notice and the old boy was sitting
by him watching him. The young
Man was stare ‘abot the potato |



| (AR)









{Squirrels Attack
Bryn Mawr Nut!
To the Editor:

It’s not as if I didn’t like Bryn
Mawr—but don’t you see? It’s the
squirrels, They’re always after me.
Why, just yesterday I opened my
window to suck in some zephyr-
like breeze and two mating squir-
rels leaped in, knocked over my
lamp, and left without even a
howdy-do.

And that isn’t all, no sirreebob.

‘|You’ve seen the little (darlings)

running over the campus. Well,
they obstruct the paths, and they
never obey the fences or the gen-
eral agreement not to walk on the
grass or the daffodils. Now this is
too much. I like the grass and the
daffodils, and I won’t stand for
squirrels getting away with what
we can’t do. ;

And you know of course the way
they run around inside the crumbly
walls of Pembroke, attacking stu-
dents and spying on everyone.
These squirrels (shhh!) are special
spies sent out by the faculty (shh!)
—how else do you expect they
Know so much about us?

Well now, I’d just likey to suggest
that some big Cues editor get out
with a petition against these squir-
rels. After all, squirrels and facul-

ty, you know, is a world-wide prob-
lem.

Reader Demands
Animal Coverage
Dear Editor:

There is a deplorable neglect in
your newspaper of the animal in-
trigue on campus. There have been
some notable developments of late.
Brandy, a dainty misanthropist be-
longing to one of our geologists, has
taken up with a scurvy low-brow
collie who carries her tail too far
over her back. The outcome of this
affair is dubious.

The LeBlanc’s aristocratic black
and white cat has caused consider-
able consternation by chasing a
shifty tabby through the windows
and under the beds only to dis-
appear for good over the roofs of
the Pembrokes. Let’s hope he
caught her.

The Borzoi remains aloof from
the rites of spring. She belongs to
the leisure class and _ probably.
wouldn’t mingle with the prole-

find her another Borzoi? , ia
These bestial affairs ought not
be neglected. You reflect campus
life you say. Let’s have complete
coverage.
A Bored Subscriber
(D. H.)

Elopements

Deleanor Wham ’59 with Anon-
ymity.

‘A.’Corn ’60 with A. Squirrel.

Juliet Capulet ex-1595 with
Romeo Montague.

Chat de LeBlanc with Pem
Broke.

Divorces

Effie ’58-from Ambler.

Octavia 188 from Nero.

Effie Ruskin hd from John Rus-
kin,

Catharine of Aragon 1533 from
Henry VIII (Rex).

Anne of Cleves 1540 from Henry
VIII (Rex).

Beheadings -

Anne Boleyn (Nan Bullen) by
Henry VIII (Rex).

Catherine Howard 1542 by Hen-
ry VIII (Rex).

Milady by Three Musketeers.

Little Orphan Annie by her se ea



eulevdandeneal

-#& Oorn (S:E-H:)

tariat for anything. Can’t someone