6

VOL. 1—NO. 1

APRIL FOOL —

PRICE—7', CENTS



Hygiene Exam Abolished!



Who Knows Who

Wrote Sarcophagi?)

“No, no, no, no no,” remarked
Dr. Andronicoom in contradiction
of the president of the Relics Club
at 8:32 in the Common Room, Wed-
nesday, March 27. The Sarcophagi
did not inhabit the Sarcophagus.

The race in question was a bull-

headed people dwelling in Asia
Minor and the tragedy recently dis-
covered does not concern and should
not be confused with 20,000 Years
in the Tomb.

Euripides did not write this;
Homer did not write it, but there
are three theories as to the
authorship. Was it written by
Sophocles’ daughter? Was it in-
spired by Zeus and set down by
means of automatic writing? Dr.
. Andronicoom rejects both propo-
sitions in favor of the belief that
The Sarcophagi was not written at
all, The effects of this, theory are
disastrous both to the history of
the people concerned and to the
history of ancient marble mauso-
jeums, but it does in part fill the
great round hole in the Greek
drama. (E. W.)



NOTICE
Students are reminded that
no tents may be pitched on top
of the library.
—Office of the Dean









Auto-da-fe: Jubilant students rage about in frenzied car-
magnole at burning of old hygiene exams.



Ho, diru, eu vi, per matena la lum,
La standardon ekvidas fiere
flugantan?
Ni salutis gin goje tagfine tra fum.
Sur remparoj amikaj sentime
starantan.
Bombardado sencese certigis al ni
Ke en nokto ne venis venkigo al gi.
Cu nun staras kurage bravuloj
en gard?
Cu ankroau
standard ?
Most Bryn Mawters will not rec-
ognize the above as the ores stanza
of “The Star Spangled/Banner,” but
take heart, this state of ignorance

flugadas__stelplena





New Pulitzer Prize Winner Writes
‘The Young Man and The Millpond’

Note: We are proud to present, for
the first time anywhere, the newest
work of that great literary giant,
“Papa” Darningpath, whose first
novel, The Yeast Also Rises, spoke
so eloquently for the Unfound
Generation. The Young Man and
The Millpond, specially commission-
ed by the Cues, was written for us
by “Papa? Darningpath between
plane crashes and banana peels at
2,000 pesos a word. Common
Treasury dues will go up next year.
Our luck she is running good—The
Young Man and the Millpond.
by “Papa” Darningpath

He was a young man who splash-
‘ed alone in a wash tub in the mill-
pond and he had gone 84 days now
without taking a cigarette, In the
first 40 days an old boy had been
with him. But after 40 days with-
out a drag, the old boy’s aunt and
uncle had told him that the young
man was now absolutely and final-
ly curieux which is one of the worst
forms of unlucky and the old boy
had gone at their orders into an-
other tub which caught three good
ganders the first week. It made
* the old boy sad to see the young
man come in-each day with his tub
empty and he always went down
to help him carry either his knit-
ting needles or his racing form and
pick-ax and the sail that was furl-
’ ed around the mast. The sail was
—-patched-with- college“banners~-and
comma furled comma it looked like
~ the flag of impermanent retreat.

The young man was skinny and
a mess with deep wrinkles in the
back of his tweeds. The blue blots
of the benevolent ink spots thé
ink-bottle brings from its reversal
on the heliotropic windowseat were
on his cheeks. The blots ran well
down the sides of his face and his
_“hands had the accordian-pleated
sears from handling heavy @eese
on the boards. But none of these
scars was old. They were as young



“ Everything about him was young!

except his purple eyes and they
were the same color as the mill-
pond and they were cheerful and
glazed,

“John Henry Wellington Carr
III”, the old boy said to him as
they climbed the shore from where
the tub was hauled up. “I could
go with you. again. We’ve made
some dough.” The young man had
taught the old boy to catch geese
and the old boy loved him,

“No”, the young man said,
“you’re with a lucky tub. Stay
with them. I can bet you did not
leave me because you doubted.”

“It was Aunt Jody made me
leave. I am an old boy and must
obey her.”

“I know,” the young man said,
“that is the way the circular ball
bounces and rebounds at an equal
speed.”

“Yes”, the old boy said.

of the geese-catchers made fun of
the young man and he was not
angry.

“John Henry Wellington Carr
Ill”, the old boy said.

“Yes”, the young man said. He
was holding his paper cup and
thinking of many years ago.

“Can I go out to get potato chips
for you for tomorrow?”

“No, go and play chess.”

“T would like to go. A ‘would like
to serve in some way.”

“You bought me a cup of tea”,
the young man said, “you are ade
ready a man”, The young man
looked at him with his contact-
lensed confident bleary eyes. His
hope and confidence had never
gone. But now they were fresh-
ening as when the grade rises.

““T am a strange’ young man”,
he said,

“Yes”, the old bay said. .

They shuffled up the road to-
gether to the young man’s shack
and went through its closed door.

Continued on Page 2, Column 3



They sat on the stile and many‘

Orals Revolutionized; Internationalized
Esperanto Now Stages Surprise Coup

is fast ‘fleeting. \

The -findings of the recent —
riculunr Committee questionnaire
on orals have been announced;
majority opinion favored none of
| the modification of thé two langu-
age Systém suggested by the Com-
mittee. Rather, Esperanto merited
overwhelming preference by dint
of an unexpected write-in decision.

504 (81% of the student ‘body)
answering the questionnaire indi-
cated an extreme enthusiasm, in-
terest and affection for the. inter-
national language; however, since
only 2% reported that they are
now acquainted with the synthetic
tongue, developed by the Russian
Zamenhof in 1887, details for ma-
jor and language requirements have
been left to the Committee.

Most observers believe this spon-
taneous turning to Esperanto is
just another manifestation of a
chaotic troubled world’s desperate
reliance on internationalism as its
onlf salvation. Many members of
the history, psychology and sociol-
ogy departments have concurred.

Because of the peculiar nature
of the language, several -rather in-
teresting curriculum changes are
feasible; Junior Years Abroad coul

while any foreign lit course could
be recognized, since Esperanto has
not yet developed a literature of
its own. None of these has been con-
firmed by the Administration.
(R.R.)



CURRENT EVENTS

“Current Events” this week
will feature Protagoras Smith
on “Is Plato’s Academy a Fin-
ishing School?” Common Stoa,
7:15 p.m.

——



Next Week: “Cleopatra and
the Censorship Problem.” Arch
of Titus, 7:15 a.m.

Scholar To Speak
On % Play (Greek)

On Wednesday, March 27, at 8:30
in the Common Room, the Relics
Club will present Caius Androni-|
coom, Alumnus of Plato’s Academy,
in the class of 402 B.C. Dr. And-
ronicoom will discuss “why the
Greeks have made a fuss over his
discovery half of a tragic tin
entitled The Sarcophagi.

The Sarcophagi was found in an
ancient Grecian mound, and exhum-
ed from the ground the manuscript
is thought to have revealed in-
formation that has for centuries
been concealed both concerning the
ancient tomb dwellers and why
they used gravestones in their
cellars, also about our own sarcop-









te relation to

Fias a result,

be taken anywhere on the globe,

The hygiene exam is no longer!
After much thought and mental
wrestling, the administration de-
cided that the students’ request
for abolition of the hygiene exams
was a legitimate one. They agreed
that there’s no time like the pre-
sent for getting things done, and,
the hygiene exam

scheduled for this spring has been
canceled.

Because it is necessary to have
some sort of ‘test to establish
whether juniors should be eligible
to register for their senior year,

the administration has drawn up a
new “general knowledge” examina-
tion. ‘his is modeled on one given
by King William’s College, Isle of
man, Great Britain, and is conduct-
ed in the following manner: stu-
dents will be given the exam Thurs-
uay evening before spring vacation
and will try to answer as many
questions as possible. During vaca-
tion they will attempt to tind the
complete answers and will be re-
examined on their return—without
notes.

The following is: part of the
examination given this year by
King William’s College, upon which
future Bryn Mawr “general knowl-
edge” exams will be based:

1. What dynasty

expelled the Mongols.

was over-labiated.

was of pastoral origin.
came riding down from
Bangor,

sprang from the Bar of Pau.
was credited with a —diabo-
lical origin and destiny.
ended at Ekaterinburg.
came and ended with a lass.
sprang’ from Johann.
ended with Ivor.

S Se

> ty

= oS

Apron Strings? ...

2. What son of what mother

went to Avalon.

was no pastry cook,

visited Medusa.

visited Porto Ferrajo.

took seizin of the rushes.

had a little coat annually.

dispensed with her —

sion to court.

8. could be nursed by no other.

9. gat eels boiled in. broo,

was stung by a wasp.

. In what song is strangula-
tion preferred to separation?

2. Where does the gold fin not
wink ?

3. What. song promises Kash-
miri stories and Arabian
nights ?

4. What song implies the emi-

_ gration of Adam and Eve?

‘5. What song puts a stop to
nocturnal wandering?

6. Whence were the coloured
counties seen?

7. Where does the splendour
fall?

8. Where did the shadow of a

. ¢eross arise?

9.. What -song-cycle develops.as
a duet?

10. What stirred?

4, What sequel to what,

‘1, moves from Highlands to
Lowlands.

Sao Set

Hygiene Exam’s Qut! Knowledge In! “We've
Wanted This For Years,” Says
Administration

5. Who was the victim of
Beowulf.
Samuel,
Rudge.
Laertes.
Clytaemnestra.
Crippen,
Eugene Aram.
Elfrida,
Bonthron.
Johnny Green.

—_ .
SS SP en Sa eee

=

What wind does Kingsley
apostrophize?
What “tempestuous wind”

to

drove the ship of Alexand-:

ria?

3. What wind makes the yellow
roses droop?

4. Where does the sailor en-

counter the Brave West
wind?

5. Who writes of the weary
West wind?

' 6. What “gigantic storm wind”
descends on the Atlantic?
7. What wind suggests the
poetry of Provence?

8. What wind was of a Cal-_

vinist tendency?
9. What wind has a medical
connection ?
Who bagged the contrary
winds?

10.

7. What garment was a
Wimple.

Rail.

Biggen.

Baldric.

Pelerine.
Paduasoy.

Sacque.

Pa A ode ae El

8. What questions produced the re-
joinders

I.

Caesar’s.

Holy, fair and wise.

’Tis not hereafter.

Throw her down.

Fiddle-de-dee’s not English.

I see a cloud of dust.

Even he that leadeth an un-

corrupt life.

Three crowns.

No, but I have a young man

in Bagdad.

Oo ee Se SS Pe

- =

9. Into what works (by whom) are

the following inserted
1. O flower of all the world, O
flower of all.
The
dwellest is so fair.
2. Tears, idle tears, I know
not what they mean.
Tears from the. depth of
some divine despair
Rise in the heart.
8. A sword! A sword! Ah, give
me a sword!
For the world is all to win.
4. Who passes by this road so
late?
Compagnon de la Majolaine!
Who passes by this road so
late?
Always gay!
5. In winter, when the fields
are white
I sing this song for your de-
light.
In spring, when woods are
getting green
I'll try and tell you what
I mean.
6. Ave Maria! Maiden mild!

Listen to a maiden’s prayer! .

garden where thou —





the work of Aeschylus. (E. W.)





2. induets Mr. Quiverful. Thou canst héar though from
8. proceeds from maidenhood the wild,

to matronage. ‘ Thou canst save amid des-
4.. opens with the fall of the * pair.

- mighty. ' %. To others, the Plague a foe

5. revives the two Samuels. ~ may be,
6. treats of perennial boyhood. To me ’tis a friend—not an
7. recalls a former treatise. enemy;
.8. unites Christian and Chris-; My coffins and coffers alike

tiana. it fills, :
9. extols English archery. And the richer I grow, the
10. jumps two decades. more it kills.