Sadie Brouwer Bartram letter to Martha Schofield

Brooklyn January 10th 1864
2nd story Front room.

My own dearly beloved.

The promise that I would write today I
will try and keep, in earnest too I guess thee will think when thee
finds it commenced on so large a sheet, but my heart tells me I
have much to say and if I do not find words to express my real
feelings I will leave a blank - and let thee imagine what I would
like to say. How I arrived home on fifth day, thee would like
to know first I imagine. After standing where thee left me till I
could see thee no longer I went to make the call, I walked along
with a saddened heart, for I felt thee had gone, that word seemed
to fill my heart, yes, gone but I trust not forever, though thy
form is no long with us, the memory of thy sweet influence
still hovers around and I feel I have been made happier and
better by thy visit. I found Mrs. Stuart at home, had a very
pleasant call, came to the ferry in time to see the boat just
moving out of sight, arrived in [New York] to find a throng of people waiting
to cross to meet the 12 o'clock train, I walked down to the ferry,
had to wait a long time for a boat, reached home just at one.
As Mother and I sat alone at dinner we wondered where and what
our Martha was doing; in fact thee had been the constant
companion of my thoughts since we parted, and has been nearly
ever since. I really managed to get dressed by day-light, and
while mother was dressing during twilight, I sat alone by the
register in the dining room eating almonds when [Underlined: Jerdie] came, he
tried to comfort me, and let him take Martha's place, but as

[Left margin]
Well I guess thee will laugh when thee sees this, I had now idea of writing quite so much when I commenced
hope soon to receive an answer equally long. Give much love to all thy friends and feel assured thee
ever has the truest and
most sincere love of
thy devoted wife
Sadie.

I have tried to read this over,
but find much difficulty,
so many mistakes, I feel
I have not said all I wanted
too, but as I said at
first - will let the imagine
all that remains unsaid.
I must write to Jakey
and perhaps a little to
[Underlined: Mary Brouwer] that
long talked of letter
I fear will not soon
be sent, it is too bad.
Good night and may
the Heavenly angels
watch and preserve thee
is the sincere wish of
thy affectionate Sadie.

Milton wished his pious
[Underlined: regards] be given thee.


[Left side]
that would be beyond the power of any one to do, I gave him
some nuts and we had a cosy chat together till mother came down.
I went to bed early, feeling so lonely, but cheered up by feeling thankful
I had kept thee so long and ought not be selfish. Sixth day I had a
dreadful cold but managed to keep around all day. Seventh day I
was no better, mother went to New York to attend a funeral (Carrie
Wright, thee remembers hearing Annie [?] Carrie speak of her being at
Ketchum's, she died there very suddenly fifth day, was down in
the parlor 4th day evening; was a daughter of John D. Wright the preacher).
At ten o'clock yesterday morning thy anxiously looked for letter came
I am so glad thee arrived safely with no difficulty, how delighted
they must have been to see thee, and the greeting on thy side equally
pleasant; by thy time I imagine thee is settled once more in thy own
dear home, rested from thy journey too. I hope, appetite returned etc.
My dear Mart I knew thee did not sleep much the last two nights
and I alone knew the cause I too was awake more than thee
thought, but I felt our hearts were both too full for utterance, I
dared not trust myself to speak. Thy sympathy and love is worth
more to me than any one can know, and rest assured it has never
been misplaced. I tried be cheerful for thy sake, for I did not want
thee to go home feeling thee had left me with a troubled countenance.
My dear do not worry too much about me, my faith tell me
sufficient strength will be given to carry be safely through life if
I but seek, and have a strong reliance on God. I do try so hard to
be good, and drive away all impure thoughts, oh! if I was only as
good as thee, did as much good to others, I would be so glad.
The responsibility that rest upon me is truly a great one, in regard
to the [Underlined: boys]. If they would only all become true and virtuous [Underlined: men] I
would feel, not a single [Underlined: anxious moment] has ever been lost, I try not

[Left margin]
I actually commenced my diary today. I forgot to tell thee [Underlined: Jerdie] sits in thy place at the table.

[Top margin]
2nd day morning. Oh is a beautiful morning, my cold is better. George did go home with Meariana last night, she persuaded him to, then [Underlined: asked him to go
to church with her] in the evening. It is well it is Leap Year, such devotedness on her part quite amuses me. I do not think [Underlined: their love] will ever amount to much.

[Right side]
to expect too much, of course my fondest hopes can [Underlined: never] be
realized, but I cannot help feeling anxious and troubled at times
about them; then again I feel cheerful and let [Underlined: hope] and [Underlined: faith] do their
work, but sadness will come, and for days I feel sad without
any particular or definite [Underlined: reason] (at least not for the world to know).
Thee alone knows that the boys are not all that causes a troubled
heart, one nearer than they, claims many an earnest and heartfelt prayer.
I trust the time will soon come when [Underlined: that fond one] will have
repented and the now troubled moments will be turned to thankfulness,
If the hopes and prayer of a loving daughter can hasten that hour, they
are earnestly given. When I commenced this I did not mean to say so
much on this subject, thee has enough to worry thee without my trouble.
I know thee would do all in thy power to lessen it, and thee does do
much, in giving love and sympathy. Often, very often do I raise a thankful
heart for giving me such a friend, one [Crossed out: that] who will always be true, yes, my
dear [Underlined: husband] the sacred relation we bear to each other, will add much
to the happiness of our lives, and the chain of friendship grows stronger and
brighter day by day, yes, our love has grown deeper and fonder by our being
together, and now thee is gone I feel lonely, very lonely; but I will promise
thee to be as cheerful and happy as I can, please do not worry, it makes me
feel worse to think I add to this trouble of my dear friend; one request I
make, that is [Underlined: write to me often], thy letters comfort me, for each [Crossed out: love] line
breathes of pure and deep affection, I know I am unworthy of such love,
but thee will be paid, though I will never be able, our heavenly Father
will reward one [Underlined: who is truly] worthy. - But enough of this, I will write of
something else; my cold does not seem very much better, though the
[Underlined: flannel petticoat] has been used two or three nights, I think tomorrow
it will be, it very cold. We had a regular snow storm fifth-day night, there
has been sleighing ever since; we were glad (for thy sake, not our own) thee went

[Bottom margin]
I put in thy [?] thought - took the elastic out to make it occupy less room.


when thee did for then it was pleasanter than any time since. Mother has
gone to Meeting and I am alone here now, but I expect Father in soon.
[Underlined: Jerdie] went home yesterday but George is here, though he too has a cold and not gone
out. He and I had a confidential talk this morning. I think J. Provost and he has
had a talk together, he says J. will never apologize, I feel sorry but hope it will not break
Friendship, Jerd will say something to Em. when they meet about the [Underlined: motto]. poor Em
always in trouble, I wish she and Jim could settle their difficulty, - he has written her a note,
what it contains I know not, perhaps it is better to write than to wait until a suitable
opportunity is offered which might not be very soon. Father and mother did not go to
Philadelphia yesterday, the former thought it too cold, now they will wait a week [?]
it better for father to have a companion. He is coming I must stop writing till afternoon.

Afternoon. Mother has gone to meeting again, George to take a nap, Father and Jim out,
Bridget dressing, and I have just got up from the sofa, I am all alone in the back
parlor, have been reading some in the [Underlined: red covered good book], but now will write before
I am interrupted. I sent the bead trimming and a note to Annie Bell, mother gave it
to A. Cromwell. Most of the young people, there. When mother told the friends I had a
cold, all said they noticed I had looked pale for some time, thought I could not have been
well, ah! little did any of them know [Underlined: the real trouble], they could not penetrate
way down deep in my heart and see the root there. But I think I will be better now.
Hark! there goes the door bell, who can be coming to keep me from writing to my husband.

Evening. Imagine me seated once more at my letter in the back parlor. Mother writing to Jake
and Father on the sofa most asleep. It was Milton and Mariana who called; thought
I was sick, so came to see me, very kind weren't they, the latter to see George I guess, when
they went out she asked him to go home with to tea, he went, but promised to come home
to tea, but he has not yet come, we tease him much. The members of the Surprise
Party will meet at Louise's, then go to Emily's, fourth day evening. I do not think I will go.
Mother says I have such a cold, she does not want me to go out this week, then too
I do not desire to go, I will have a nice time and no difficulty arise. For my own
sake I care not to go to another Sociable this winter. My thoughts are sufficient
company when I cannot be with my dear friends alone. I wonder what thee is doing
tonight, I imagine John is there and you are have a cosy time; tongues moving fast,
to hear about J's teeth and if he really has his mustache. I forgot to tell thee Milton
has [Underlined: his shaved off], looks very much better. I heard Walter spent New Years in the country
having a gay time. I quite want to see him and learn the reason he did not call on
thee before thy return, perhaps he though thee had gone, or it may be he heard what
father said about him the evening he stood in the hall. No, I do not think there would be the least impropriety in the boys giving thee their pictures, I told George about it today, he
would give his freely, and [Underlined: Jerdie] too I am sure, but G's was not good and he sat again, it
is so hard for him to get a good picture, having light eye-brows, when they come I will
surely send thee one - On sixth day while clearing my bureau I found thy
sweet note, I too would have written thee something, but found no chance. I know
the parting was never so hard before, but the hope of meeting again must cheer and
comfort us. If the time passes [Underlined: as] quickly as when we were together, the time of meeting
will soon come. All my thoughts will come to thee laden with love and affection
I fear I will worry thee but do not let me. Do not exert thyself too much to do good
at home, be careful and remember thy health must be preserved. What did thee folks
say to thy [Underlined: fat face]. - Since writing the above Father and Mother have gone to bed,
and Jim and I sit alone, the former wonders what I can find to write about, and I
guess his amazement would increase to [Crossed out: find] see a large sheet of paper so nearly filled
how well I leave thee to judge. If thee can read it thee will be fortunate. I did find thy
net as soon as I entered my room, it was on the bureau, thy hat comb too. I will try and
put the net in a letter, if I cannot will send it the first opportunity. Mother sends
much love and says we all miss thee. I made some jelly yesterday, too bad I made none
for thee, mother says I made nothing for Martha, but thee knows thee was [?]


[Envelope]

Miss Martha Schofield
Darby, Delaware County
Pennsylvania.