Brooklyn January 10th 1864 2nd story Front room. My own dearly beloved. The promise that I would write today I will try and keep, in earnest too I guess thee will think when thee finds it commenced on so large a sheet, but my heart tells me I have much to say and if I do not find words to express my real feelings I will leave a blank - and let thee imagine what I would like to say. How I arrived home on fifth day, thee would like to know first I imagine. After standing where thee left me till I could see thee no longer I went to make the call, I walked along with a saddened heart, for I felt thee had gone, that word seemed to fill my heart, yes, gone but I trust not forever, though thy form is no long with us, the memory of thy sweet influence still hovers around and I feel I have been made happier and better by thy visit. I found Mrs. Stuart at home, had a very pleasant call, came to the ferry in time to see the boat just moving out of sight, arrived in [New York] to find a throng of people waiting to cross to meet the 12 o'clock train, I walked down to the ferry, had to wait a long time for a boat, reached home just at one. As Mother and I sat alone at dinner we wondered where and what our Martha was doing; in fact thee had been the constant companion of my thoughts since we parted, and has been nearly ever since. I really managed to get dressed by day-light, and while mother was dressing during twilight, I sat alone by the register in the dining room eating almonds when [Underlined: Jerdie] came, he tried to comfort me, and let him take Martha's place, but as [Left margin] Well I guess thee will laugh when thee sees this, I had now idea of writing quite so much when I commenced hope soon to receive an answer equally long. Give much love to all thy friends and feel assured thee ever has the truest and most sincere love of thy devoted wife Sadie. I have tried to read this over, but find much difficulty, so many mistakes, I feel I have not said all I wanted too, but as I said at first - will let the imagine all that remains unsaid. I must write to Jakey and perhaps a little to [Underlined: Mary Brouwer] that long talked of letter I fear will not soon be sent, it is too bad. Good night and may the Heavenly angels watch and preserve thee is the sincere wish of thy affectionate Sadie. Milton wished his pious [Underlined: regards] be given thee. [Left side] that would be beyond the power of any one to do, I gave him some nuts and we had a cosy chat together till mother came down. I went to bed early, feeling so lonely, but cheered up by feeling thankful I had kept thee so long and ought not be selfish. Sixth day I had a dreadful cold but managed to keep around all day. Seventh day I was no better, mother went to New York to attend a funeral (Carrie Wright, thee remembers hearing Annie [?] Carrie speak of her being at Ketchum's, she died there very suddenly fifth day, was down in the parlor 4th day evening; was a daughter of John D. Wright the preacher). At ten o'clock yesterday morning thy anxiously looked for letter came I am so glad thee arrived safely with no difficulty, how delighted they must have been to see thee, and the greeting on thy side equally pleasant; by thy time I imagine thee is settled once more in thy own dear home, rested from thy journey too. I hope, appetite returned etc. My dear Mart I knew thee did not sleep much the last two nights and I alone knew the cause I too was awake more than thee thought, but I felt our hearts were both too full for utterance, I dared not trust myself to speak. Thy sympathy and love is worth more to me than any one can know, and rest assured it has never been misplaced. I tried be cheerful for thy sake, for I did not want thee to go home feeling thee had left me with a troubled countenance. My dear do not worry too much about me, my faith tell me sufficient strength will be given to carry be safely through life if I but seek, and have a strong reliance on God. I do try so hard to be good, and drive away all impure thoughts, oh! if I was only as good as thee, did as much good to others, I would be so glad. The responsibility that rest upon me is truly a great one, in regard to the [Underlined: boys]. If they would only all become true and virtuous [Underlined: men] I would feel, not a single [Underlined: anxious moment] has ever been lost, I try not [Left margin] I actually commenced my diary today. I forgot to tell thee [Underlined: Jerdie] sits in thy place at the table. [Top margin] 2nd day morning. Oh is a beautiful morning, my cold is better. George did go home with Meariana last night, she persuaded him to, then [Underlined: asked him to go to church with her] in the evening. It is well it is Leap Year, such devotedness on her part quite amuses me. I do not think [Underlined: their love] will ever amount to much. [Right side] to expect too much, of course my fondest hopes can [Underlined: never] be realized, but I cannot help feeling anxious and troubled at times about them; then again I feel cheerful and let [Underlined: hope] and [Underlined: faith] do their work, but sadness will come, and for days I feel sad without any particular or definite [Underlined: reason] (at least not for the world to know). Thee alone knows that the boys are not all that causes a troubled heart, one nearer than they, claims many an earnest and heartfelt prayer. I trust the time will soon come when [Underlined: that fond one] will have repented and the now troubled moments will be turned to thankfulness, If the hopes and prayer of a loving daughter can hasten that hour, they are earnestly given. When I commenced this I did not mean to say so much on this subject, thee has enough to worry thee without my trouble. I know thee would do all in thy power to lessen it, and thee does do much, in giving love and sympathy. Often, very often do I raise a thankful heart for giving me such a friend, one [Crossed out: that] who will always be true, yes, my dear [Underlined: husband] the sacred relation we bear to each other, will add much to the happiness of our lives, and the chain of friendship grows stronger and brighter day by day, yes, our love has grown deeper and fonder by our being together, and now thee is gone I feel lonely, very lonely; but I will promise thee to be as cheerful and happy as I can, please do not worry, it makes me feel worse to think I add to this trouble of my dear friend; one request I make, that is [Underlined: write to me often], thy letters comfort me, for each [Crossed out: love] line breathes of pure and deep affection, I know I am unworthy of such love, but thee will be paid, though I will never be able, our heavenly Father will reward one [Underlined: who is truly] worthy. - But enough of this, I will write of something else; my cold does not seem very much better, though the [Underlined: flannel petticoat] has been used two or three nights, I think tomorrow it will be, it very cold. We had a regular snow storm fifth-day night, there has been sleighing ever since; we were glad (for thy sake, not our own) thee went [Bottom margin] I put in thy [?] thought - took the elastic out to make it occupy less room. when thee did for then it was pleasanter than any time since. Mother has gone to Meeting and I am alone here now, but I expect Father in soon. [Underlined: Jerdie] went home yesterday but George is here, though he too has a cold and not gone out. He and I had a confidential talk this morning. I think J. Provost and he has had a talk together, he says J. will never apologize, I feel sorry but hope it will not break Friendship, Jerd will say something to Em. when they meet about the [Underlined: motto]. poor Em always in trouble, I wish she and Jim could settle their difficulty, - he has written her a note, what it contains I know not, perhaps it is better to write than to wait until a suitable opportunity is offered which might not be very soon. Father and mother did not go to Philadelphia yesterday, the former thought it too cold, now they will wait a week [?] it better for father to have a companion. He is coming I must stop writing till afternoon. Afternoon. Mother has gone to meeting again, George to take a nap, Father and Jim out, Bridget dressing, and I have just got up from the sofa, I am all alone in the back parlor, have been reading some in the [Underlined: red covered good book], but now will write before I am interrupted. I sent the bead trimming and a note to Annie Bell, mother gave it to A. Cromwell. Most of the young people, there. When mother told the friends I had a cold, all said they noticed I had looked pale for some time, thought I could not have been well, ah! little did any of them know [Underlined: the real trouble], they could not penetrate way down deep in my heart and see the root there. But I think I will be better now. Hark! there goes the door bell, who can be coming to keep me from writing to my husband. Evening. Imagine me seated once more at my letter in the back parlor. Mother writing to Jake and Father on the sofa most asleep. It was Milton and Mariana who called; thought I was sick, so came to see me, very kind weren't they, the latter to see George I guess, when they went out she asked him to go home with to tea, he went, but promised to come home to tea, but he has not yet come, we tease him much. The members of the Surprise Party will meet at Louise's, then go to Emily's, fourth day evening. I do not think I will go. Mother says I have such a cold, she does not want me to go out this week, then too I do not desire to go, I will have a nice time and no difficulty arise. For my own sake I care not to go to another Sociable this winter. My thoughts are sufficient company when I cannot be with my dear friends alone. I wonder what thee is doing tonight, I imagine John is there and you are have a cosy time; tongues moving fast, to hear about J's teeth and if he really has his mustache. I forgot to tell thee Milton has [Underlined: his shaved off], looks very much better. I heard Walter spent New Years in the country having a gay time. I quite want to see him and learn the reason he did not call on thee before thy return, perhaps he though thee had gone, or it may be he heard what father said about him the evening he stood in the hall. No, I do not think there would be the least impropriety in the boys giving thee their pictures, I told George about it today, he would give his freely, and [Underlined: Jerdie] too I am sure, but G's was not good and he sat again, it is so hard for him to get a good picture, having light eye-brows, when they come I will surely send thee one - On sixth day while clearing my bureau I found thy sweet note, I too would have written thee something, but found no chance. I know the parting was never so hard before, but the hope of meeting again must cheer and comfort us. If the time passes [Underlined: as] quickly as when we were together, the time of meeting will soon come. All my thoughts will come to thee laden with love and affection I fear I will worry thee but do not let me. Do not exert thyself too much to do good at home, be careful and remember thy health must be preserved. What did thee folks say to thy [Underlined: fat face]. - Since writing the above Father and Mother have gone to bed, and Jim and I sit alone, the former wonders what I can find to write about, and I guess his amazement would increase to [Crossed out: find] see a large sheet of paper so nearly filled how well I leave thee to judge. If thee can read it thee will be fortunate. I did find thy net as soon as I entered my room, it was on the bureau, thy hat comb too. I will try and put the net in a letter, if I cannot will send it the first opportunity. Mother sends much love and says we all miss thee. I made some jelly yesterday, too bad I made none for thee, mother says I made nothing for Martha, but thee knows thee was [?] [Envelope] Miss Martha Schofield Darby, Delaware County Pennsylvania.