Birds that Chirp Fuck Script | TriCollege Libraries Digital Collections

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Transcript Text

Setting: Two people (Anna and Bill) walking through the woods. Birds chirping increasingly
vulgar mating calls
Relationship: Anna and Bill is a couple with a lot of sexual tension but waiting until marriage to
have sex. They go to the woods to get their minds off things. Birds should chirp in high pitched
sound.
Anna
Bill
Bird 1
Bird 2
Anna: im so glad we’re going on this hike today - the weather is gorgeous and its a really good
way to keep us busy”
Bill: “I know, im glad too! even though waiting until marriage to make love is definitely the right
decision, it’s been soooo hard to keep the thought of our wedding night out of my head. This
hike is a welcome distraction.”
Anna: “for sure - with the wedding just a week away its good to stay busy. lets just enjoy this
time outside. Everythings so beautiful and peaceful. Hearing the wind in the trees and the bird
songs really helps distract me from...”
Bird 1 (flash a stock image on the screen): in a high-pitched voice: “fuck”
Anna: confused “wait did you hear that??”
Bill: what?
Anna: I think that bird just said fuck
Bill: nooo that's crazy - you're just thinking about our wedding night too much - try not to think
about it so much
Bird 1: fuck
Bill: wait I think your right
Anna: I told you!
Bird 1: fuck
Bill: how is it making that sound??

Anna: i dont know, but its definitely saying fuck
Bird 1: fuck me
Anna: wait what???
Bird 1: fuck me
Bill: *looks confused/alarmed*
Bird 1: oohhh yeah fuck me
Bill: oh my god
Anna: Are they…?
Bill: i think its having sex
Bird 1: fuck me harder yeahhh
Anna: oh god you're right - there’s the other one
Bird 2: yeah you like that dont you?
Bill: this can't be happening right now
Anna: I know! we drive 2 hours to go into the woods and forget about sex and these birds start
doing …. this…. right in front of us
Bird 1: take me from behind
Bill: *visibly flustered* and they’re really going at it..
Anna: i know… its kind of making me flustered
Bird 2: you’re cloaca is so tight
Bird 1: ugh so is yours
Anna: this is making me think about us
Bill: i know- it's so hard to wait
Bird 2: your feathers are so colorful - youre so fu cking sexy

Bird 1: ooh i love hearing you chirp in my ear
Anna: oh my… I do love feathers...
Bill: stay strong anna - our wedding is only a week away!
Anna: i know.. but maybe we don't need to wait that long - i mean, the birds won't tell anyone