Sisters and Sorcery Script

Sisters and Sorcery
Lily: The party sees a tavern. They are looking for someone who will
be able to help them find the lost crystal of Smeel. They
believe that someone inside will be able to aid them.
Emma: I roll to enter the tavern.
Lily: To enter roll for 20. What is your dexterity?
Emma: 7 [Rolls Dice]
Lily: Looks at dice. You may all enter.
Mark: Okay, okay my turn. I see a beautiful tall Sorceress. She is
both intoxicating and mysterious. From behind her eyes I can see
she has secrets to tell. Perhaps secrets that will lead us to
the crystal. I roll to approach her.
Lily: Orc Wizard, Junipero - you will need a five to approach this
enchantress. [Rolls Dice]You may approach.
Mark: I gallantly approach the fair maiden. I bow my head to her and
then try to begin to introduce myself and to assure her of my
virtuous intentions. She puts a finger to my lips and in a soft
voice says, “My name is Lindsey. I am the Keeper of Knowledge
and I am super attracted to you.”

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Emma: Woah, woah, woah. Mark, err, I mean Junipero the Orc Wizard.
Junipero, I beseech you to choose another denomination that is
not that of my pulchritudinous female kin.
Mark: I would love to help you, dear friend and Elvish Healer, Aspice
the Younger, but [breaking his character] I don’t know what you
mean.
Emma: Just don’t use the name Lindsey for the Keeper of Knowledge.
That’s my older sister’s name and it’s weird that you made her
attracted to you.
Mark: Do forgive me, companion? Let’s just call the fair maiden
LindSAY, instead of Lindsey.
Lily: Here, here. Now we can continue our quest.
Mark: I shall now continue. The fair maiden continues to speak,
whispering sensually into my ear, so that only I can hear her
sweet words, “I am LindSAY- The eldest of the house Marcel”
Emma: Marcel? Seriously? That’s my last name. And my sister’s name is
literally Lindsey Marcel. Just choose another character please.
Mark: Oh dearest apologies, loyal friend. How about we call this
irresistible creature, LindSAY Marsel, but this time Marsel is
spelt with an S, so that it is not the same as your family name?

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Emma: Mark, it’s still pronounced the same. I mean it’s not different
at all. Just come up with…
Lily: Let us just continue. There are fairy children in dire need of
our help. We can not let them down. We must not be hindered.
Mark: Now the Fair Lindsey Marsel.
Emma: Lily!!! That is literally just her name. He’s not even trying to
change it.
Lily: Just let Mark finish his turn. I’ll kill off the maiden in a few
rounds. How does that sound?
Emma: I still don’t know. I guess.
Mark: Continues to speak as Lindsey. “I Lindsay Marcel, Sister of Ima
I am so smitten with Mark that I don’t care if he’s just my
sister’s nerdy friend.
Emma: Mark?!?!? This isn’t even related to the quest. And your name is
Junipero, the Wizard Orc.
Lily: Emma?!?! Shh
Mark: “I am Lindsay Marcel, sister of Emma and I have been seduced by
Mark. Even though I have never shown interest in Mark when he
comes over to Emma’s house to play video games and other cool
stuff. I am actually in love with him. And I have always wanted
to kiss him, but have never had the chance.” At this point I,
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Mark, lean in and kiss Emma’s hot older sister. [Beat] With
tongue.
Lily: STOP. You can not do that.
Emma: Finally!!
Lily: Mark you need to roll the dice if you want to use the tongue.
Please roll a, let’s see, just roll at least a 1.
Emma: Really, Dungeon Master? Just a 1?!?!
Mark: So I kiss the really hot, mature older woman. I tell her that I
am the man of her dreams. I will treat her with all the respect
she deserves. I will do everything in my power to give her
whatever she desires and more. I will live every day trying to
be a man she would be honored to marry. I tell her I love her
and that I will love her from this moment until the end of time.
Emma: Ahh that is kind of sweet, but I still think it is a little
weird…
Lily: God Emma. Stop interrupting! Please continue.
Mark: The fair maiden, so moved by my words, she would respond by
saying, “I love you Mark and I am so happy whenever I am with
you. I can't wait to marry you and for us to begin our life
together. I am most excited to consummate our marriage on our
wedding night. Although I am a mature and experienced woman, I

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will be gentle, knowing far too well that this will be your
first time.I know that up until then you will only have ever
masturbated thinking about me.”
Emma: God Mark. Stop it! Don’t have a crush on my sister. That’s so
weird. You know that she is 36 and has two kids, and she’s been
married for over a decade. Can’t you have a crush on Lily’s
sister. At least, she’s 20. And also for the record, very hot.
Mark: Woah, Emma. That’s Lily’s sister, we are talking about.
Lily: Seriously not cool, Emma.
Mateo: Not cool.
Emma: You’re so right. I’m sorry. Let’s just finish this game. Okay?
Mark: And just so you know, I only put Lindsey in the game, because
she is a real life goddess. Like seriously, she is not only a
successful woman at the top of her field, but manages to balance
a demanding career while also being a wonderful mother to two
beautiful children. I mean, [beat and in utter awe] she is just
unbelievable.
Emma: You know what, she really is a goddess.
Mark: [Now with a devilish smirk.] Not to mention that she has a tight
ass!

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Emma: That’s it. I can’t take it anymore. I am out of here. Just play
without me.
Lily: Fine you big baby. Just go.
Mark and Mateo: Yeah just get out of here already. Go! Other ad lib in
that vein. [Beat. They turn back to their game.]
Lily: Mateo. I believe it is your turn.
Mateo: Yes it is. [Mateo picks up his dice and begins to shake it in
his hand] I’d like to roll to get to Second Base with Lindsey.
Lily and Mark: Come on, Mateo. That’s just gross!!!

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