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Page Twelve

Friday, May 6, 1966





THE HAVERFORD NEWS - THE COLLEGE NEWS

From This Side of Paradise. ~~



Hap

‘¢,.. but all study and no play makes Joe a dull boy,
right?” The man b the desk gives a quick, un-dull-
boy. chuckle and you look shyly down at your freshly

io, we allow girls in the rooms until incredible

“hours. And ... Bryn Mawr is within walking distance!”

This is the clincher and as he says it the admissions

“man spreads his hands palms up on the desk and gives you .

a worldly man-to-man smile, So come April of your senior
year as you sit clutching a gaggle of acceptances, that
sentence floats back into your mind. And with Spring all
around and visions of Seven Sisters dancing in your head
you send Princeton (‘‘so isolated’’) et. al.fluttering off
in the wind and op for Haverford.

It was our third day on campus and already we felt
strange glandular stirrings. No one had so much as
mentioned Bryn Mawr and the only females we had seen
spoke a strange tongue except to occasionally cry, ‘‘Boy

~=

come make-e bed, boy’ at insane hours in the m g.

Finally in the middle, of the quad we burst out:

‘So what’s the scene with these Bryn Mawr girls. Are

adhey really speeds? I mean, where are they?’

Jack Suave emerged from the pup tent thathe had been
forced to occupy because of the room shortage.

‘J have been here for four years now and you could
take all the fun I’ve had with Bryn Mawr girls and put it
in a gnat’s navel and have room for three caraway
seeds and the brain of ial Committee Chairman.’? -
He clapped his hands an oli inned maiden emerged
from the tent bearing a breakfast tray.

A Toga Party

‘¢Smith ’66 and a divine cook,’”’ he said.

After two weeks it started to look bad, But we were
sure that nice fellow in the admissions office hadn’t
fibbed, Finally we found Bryn Mawr-Haverford social
life at a Roman style gathering presided over by a Latin
scholar with a slight Boston accent. There they were-
through the smoke of the apartment--Bryn Mawr and
Haverford talking, dancing, touching. We edged over to a
straight-haired girl who sat gazing intently into a dixie
cup of scotch.

‘‘Do you come to these things often?’’ we asked.

‘Yes, I find the sub-mating rituals of the American
adolescent fascinating. Don’t you???

’ Not long after came our first Bryn Mawr date. One of
the most telling experiences with Bryn Mawr is calling
a dorm. At some, a spritely voice answers and when you
ask for a girl a chorus of excited squeals echoes down
the corridor until finally a friendly voice answers,
pleasantly out of breath.

At Rhoads, however, a sultry voice answers with a
tinge of ennui, You give the girl’s name and in the back-
ground a voice says,

**Is Rosalind back from Princeton yet?

' ¢¢,., She must be, it’s been almost a week now.”’

‘eWell,’ this call puts her into the lead for the weekly
pool with forty-six.”

We planned that first date with care. We decided
shrewdly that those Bryn Mawr girls are probably tired
of big evenings. For a switch we’ll just catch the film
at Roberts and go back to the room to talk. We arrived
in coat and tie and were immediately mistaken for an
FBI agent. ‘‘Cover the flower boxes!’’ someone yelled.
We were ushered into the room, where the two room-
mates looked us over. They had a clever code for telling
the girl dressing what to wear. It consists of shouting in
a loud voice,

‘*Why, you’re wearing a tie.”’

Sitting in the room after the film, we tried to explain
that we had not realized that it was going to be ‘‘that kind
of film.’ Suddenly we froze, Tht$ was not:a dizzy debu-
tante, a junior college party girl. No, this was a Bryn
Mawr girl, a girl of the stiffest intellectual fibre, who

’ ¢¢As she continues through the four undergraduate years,
should begin to know the personal satisfactions and re-
wards that are the common heritage of scholars.’”’ The

M. Carey Thomas. slogan floated through our mind,
‘Only our failures only marry ...’’ What else did they
do, we wondered.

The Prep Approach

But all was not lost. We immediately launched into the
old cheese and wine play.’She started*to: say something
about the. German novella and we quickly countered with



Scott Fitzgerald.

*¢Have. you ever studied the French Bourbons? They
have a fascinating history.’’

‘Really? I thought they were all distilled in Kentucky.”’

Gradually, you pick up the tricks of the trade. One of
the most useful is the ‘‘I hear the food at Bryn Mawr is
great’? ploy, This is accompanied by a look of acute
malnutrition and a series of shuffling hand gestures to
indicate that you are a compulsive bridge player. With
luck this will garner you an invite to dinner. The girls
do not rap on the table when you enter but occasionally
there is a stage whisper, ‘‘who in the world is he?’ and
a chorus of derisive giggles. Until you get accustomed to
it their quaint habit of jumping to their feet and bellowing
announcements in unison can be unnerving. After dinner
the girls don green eyeshades and you are asked to par-
ticipate in some of the most cut-throat bridge in the world,
Unless you truly love the game your best bet here is the
‘¢you all play Cuban System, of course’ play followed by
rapid suggestions of Go Fish, Slap Jack, and Acey-
Ducey.

Best of all Bryn Mawr - Haverford social functions, of
course, is the mixer. Here, with expert use of the elbows,
you can execute several smooth maneuvers, It is a good
idea to fill your pockets with cookies. They are usually
the best thing at the mixer and enable you to use the
famous ‘‘Have a cookie’? move. The idea here is to stick
the cookie into the chosen girl’s mouth before she can say
a word and then lead her choking onto the dance floor. By
the time she can speak, her fiance’ will have returned to
find the girl gone and depart in a funk.

Across from the Pem East mixer at the foot of the
stairs stood a girl in a tee shirt that said, ‘‘Moon-
Equipped.”’ We straightened our tie.

What do you like best about Haverford?’’ we asked
confidently. :

‘‘Well, my favorite young man goes to Princeton. You
know what they say - Princeton men and Haverford boys,”’

Immediately the girls on the stairs began to hum ‘‘Old
Nassau.’”? We asked the Burns guard sitting inthe corner
about Bryn Mawr-Haverford relations.

The Proven Way

‘Nothing to worry about,’’ he said. ‘‘I just generally
keep an eye out ... Most of the guys don’t know it -- but
we’re armed.’’ He patted his hip.

We began to get advice from all sides. One successful
Haverford senior headed for Harvard Law next year con-
fided,

‘'The thing is, you’ve got to be low key. You goina
dorm and if you see a girl you like, you say, ‘‘I mean
would you like to have a cuppa coffee or something, per-

haps??’

Another successful senior in blue jeans, wire rims,
and five o’clock shadow, told us,

“Get rid of those grey flannels, ditch the weejuns, ge
yourself a lumberjack shirt.”

We tried it, but Denbigh was the wrong place. The girl
in the Bergdorf Goodman dress looked at us in horror.
We mumbled something about a cup of coffee.

“]’m sorry,’ she said, ‘‘I haven’t a cent with me, but
they may be able to give you something in the kitchen.”®

Your first Haverford dance can be a disturbing experi-
ence. When you walk in and find that the band outnumbers
the guests you should promptly swing into the ‘‘Well,
small, room parties are really more fun, don’t you think???
gambit. The experienced Bryn Mawr girl will nod slightly.
Now you must immediately follow this up with ‘‘Joe said
that a few people might come over.’? You fully expect no
less than fifty swingers tobe jammed into Joe’s suite, but
it is best not to arouse her hopes unduly. Should Joe have
finked out, and this does happen, then you will be set for
Haverford’s only indigenous social activity -- ‘‘checking
out the action at .? As you slip from New Dorm
to Barclay basement to the cricket house you must keep
up a steady stream of uproarious comment so that your
date may not notice that she is spending the night hiking.
If, however, she starts to lag behind you can resort to the
time-tested ‘‘Shall we catch our breath a moment under
that tree’? play. This must be done with care however
for rather than quickening her step aBryn Mawr girl will
occasionally accept.

This can be the most disturbing experience of all.
Should you then begin the renowned ‘‘You’re very pretty



Jr




ess -Is a Warm Bryn Mawr Girl

for a Bryn Mawr girl’? ploy with accompanying advancing
movements, you are doomed, Bryn Mawr girls are past
masters of the ‘‘Do you have a cigarette ... a stick of
gum, then’? defense. Others mention a slight case of
trench mouth while psych majors generally look you in
the eye and say ‘‘Have you ever stopped to think why you
want to do that?”

If, however, Joe has come through you will find the
well known ‘Frank Fortis’ party, named after the gallant
young man crushed to death at one particular lively
affair in a New Dorm single. The important thing to do
here: is learn to recognize your date by your sense of

‘Well, my favorite young man goes to Princeton...’

touch for the cigarette smoke will soon obscure her
from sight.
One goateedstudent who looked faintly like Alfred Drake
explained the procedure:
‘¢The way to a Bryn Mawr girl’sheartis with a glass.”
Shut Up and Deal

“Do you like gin??? we asked a likely looking girl.

‘*T’d love to play a few hands.’’ she replied.

‘¢Blue-what! music?’ the girl shrilled, ‘‘No, I’m sorry
I never go out with Haverford boys,’’ said the blonde
Denbigh sophomore who looked as if she might have come
from a small New Hampshire town. We asked why.

‘¢You go out with a Haverford boy andthe next morning.
the whole campus knows every initmate detail.”” We beat
a hasty retreat with cries of ‘‘Kiss and tell’’ ringing in
our ears, Outside a statuesque girl inadenim work shirt
slinked by. .

‘*What is it about Bryn Mawr-Haverford social con-
tact??? we asked in desperation.

**It?s all wet,” the Merion junior said moodily.

The major hurdle facing the prospective social gad-
about is the competition for bids from the two eating
clubs -- Tenth and Comet.

A senior reminiscent of an Italian screen star super-
vises the rushing for Tenth. Once in it is important to
be handy with the darts and a slight brogue is useful.
The competition for Bryn Mawr girls is fierce with a
group of fortyish ex-Mainline playboys dorfinating the
field. If you go Comet it is imperative to develop a
smooth ‘‘There’s nothing like a hamburger, afterall.’’
Status comes when Paul and Charlie‘ask if you are having
‘“
It ‘was Saturday night and we stood nervously in the
computer room,

‘*you’re my last hope, gentlemen.” The young man
looked up from the pile of IBM cards marked ‘‘Cohabit.’’

‘*you have come to the right place. On the basis of
our exhaustive computer research there is an ideal Bryn
Mawr-for every Haverford boy.’? We expressed disbelief.

‘‘No, it?s true. Look we have one boy who wants a
number seven groomed girl - the sloppiest_possible. And -
sure enough there is such a girl for him.”

We filled out the form and the information was fed into
the computer, The machine buzzed, hummed and then
with a burst of static went silent,

‘¢That’s very odd,’ the computer man said.

The couple paused a moment in front of the library.
The young man was blonde. We had seen the girl’s face
somewhere before.

‘¢What do you think of Bryn Mawr social relations???
we asked,

‘*Well,”? he said, ‘‘at the end of my sophomore year
I. was convinced that all Bryn Mawr girls were or should
be under the care of a phychiatrist.’’

‘¢What happened??? we asked.

‘¢Well, I discovered this book, ‘‘Daphnis and Cloe’?
about two people that didn’t know what to do about being
in love, And I started giving it to girls, seven altogether.’’

‘*Why seven??? :

‘«We got-married,’’ =

‘Look, could we borrow this...’

_**Don’t bother’’ the girl said, ‘‘I never read it,’’

d so you continue like the men who conquered
E t - ‘*because it’s there.”’ David Whiting