3

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008



‘VOL. 1/2,,NO. 1/64

HITHER AND. WHITHER? SCHMOOSDAY, APRIL 1, 1954



Whence Cometh Tonys The Menys??
e One Retrogresses Ithaca-Ward

Sa

Donnie Brown, ’57

It may not seem apparent to the
average lecture-goer but Homer’s
Odyssey had several ghost writers
who did not agree with the great
Greek poet. There are also 1 few
inconsistencies. in the~ incoherent
rigamarole typical of the spurious
passages , in the epic poem... Mr
Denys: Sage, Order of the Menys
Cambridge, discussed these and in-
numerable other points in his fif-
teenth lecture on the Odyssey.
- Mr. Sage was not quite clear
just who did write the Odyssey.
but-—he —admirably —proved—that
Homer did not by quoting several]
hundred lines in Greek every time
a controversial point arose. Avoid-
ing the basic tenets of the Homeric
conception altogether, it was
pointed out that the time lapse did
not follow the usual bungled time
elements in ancient poetry.

The great discrepancy and lack
. of cogency in thought in the Odys-

Dr. Narr Bores &
Blabs On Blubber

7



by Barbara Palmer, ’5

Yesterday afternoon during tea
in the Common Room, Dr. Harvey
Narr, of East Podunk University,
discussed the “Principle Influence
on the Crisis Facing the. Universe
Today” before an enthusiastic au-
dience of the twenty Economics
majors of Bryn Mawr College.

At approximately 4:39, after the
last guest had paid her initial re-
spects to the refreshment table,
Dr. Narr- arose from-behind_a_pot-
ted plant to greet this industrious
and untimorous group. He imme-
diately reduced the area of his sub-
ject matter by listing the subhead:
“The Adverse Bearing of the Use
of Blubber by the Eskimos on
World Trade”,

The use of blubber has had deep
historical ramifications dating
from the time of the first Scan-
dinavian exploitation. Blubber has
had multifold application to the
life of the average Eskimo as well

as to civilization at large.

An alert questioner at this time
brought up the point of the value
of ‘establishing blubber as” the na-
__tional food for the starving. Ar-
menians. During the course and

as a direct result of the debate Dr.|

Narr stated that since he was not
familiar with the military or dis-
ciplinarian policies in this country
he could not sufficiently answer.
Dr. Narr went on to say that the
Eskimo trade was lagging behind
the standards of the International
Consolidation of NSRPOT —.a
forewarning of universal catastro-
phe. Following a discussion of the
purposes and ultimate successes of

the NSRPOT the group agreed

that such.an organization would do
much to affect civilization if civili-
, zation was ready to be affected by
such an organization. ~~
In summation Dr. Narr said that
he felt: he satisfactorily explained
the principle influence on World
Crisis—BLUBBER. In addition the
lecture resulted in three pages of
notes; loss of four pots of tea, five
trays of cookies, six packs of
cigarettes, and knitting, totally to
the stitching, three pairs of socks.
In all the lecture proved heartily
enjoyable! i us see more of Dr.
Narr!

mee a

“of poets deviously rushed the epic
poem to a lame conclusion. Bryn



sey, was attributed by the. British
speaker to the poet, poets or Hom-
er’s concern with “what might
have been, not what is” or “that
which happens and not that which
does not happen.”

“Another interesting discrepancy
in the epic is the constant inclusion
of spurious . character. o have
no relation to the potentialities of
the Odyssey. Some of'the more
glaring of these figures are Pene-
lope, Circe, Tiresias, Telemachus,
a doddering nurse who constantly
threatens the suspense of the lust

few books, and a hoard of €xtras|_

collectively#ealled the suitors. A
Greek called Ulysses is lost for
most of the Odyssey and his wan-
derings and calling on the gods
for road maps -have an annoyinz
tendency to break the main train
of thought in the epic, as Mr.
Sage ably and frequently pointed
out,

The Odyssey no longer can be
called great literature, for Mr.
Sage has now proved that it was
probably the work of.a great many
Gréeks who had nothing better to
do than jot down wordy poetry on
bits of potsherds No one quite
knows how, under the circum-
stances, Homer became connected
with this ancient beginning of the
soap opera.

For the next fifteen weeks Pro-
fessor Sage, of the Menys, will
speak on how the conglomeration

Mawr looks forward to next year
when he. will return to treat tne

Papers Per petually
Crump Our College

by Carol Hansen, "57

The name of this article is “The
All Night Siege”. It could jus
aptly be in a medical journal un-
der the heading “No No—Doze, No
Mono”. The setting—a night on
the Bryn Mawr campus (the Fresh-
men will recognize it. as Sunday
night; the Seniors—the last night
of the semester; and ‘the Anthro-
pology, or History of Art students
— every night).

10:00—“I’m bored!”
11:00—“Four no trump.”
12:00—“I’d acter start writin
my-paper.”
1:00—“‘Let’s order none "food.
2:00—“1,798 wor
8:00—“Who wants i make cof-
fee?”
4:00—“Click, click, click.”
5:00—(several girls are lying on
their ‘backs, arms _ out-
/’ *stretched) “I-n-h-a-l-e. E-x-
meen Halse g-l+0-w-l-y,. Y-o-u-r
r-i-g-h-t a-r-mi-s...
6:00—“‘Anyone got a cigarette?”
7:00—“I - pride - myself - on -
always ~ handing - papers -

. - in - on - time.
8:00—“Breakfast!”
8:15—“Click, click, click.”
8:30—“Click, click, click, click.”
8:45—“Does anyone know -how

to write footnotes?”
9:00—“Click, click, click.”

o

9:09—“At last!”
9:094%—“May I borrow your
coat?”

9:0934—“Oh, Professor, I en-
joyed writing this paper so
much. Such a fascinating
subject!”



iliad in a similar fashion,

Moral: Major in math.



Outerview Reveals Solutions To Many
Generic Problems Of A Solar System

by Molly Epstein, ’56

“Well, you know or don’t you
kennet or haven’t I hold you every
telling has a taling and thatis the
he and the she of it.” I tell I
tailed her through rat’s alley to.
the first year Laboratory in Dal-
ton. ‘It was there I found her,
translating the textbook into iam-
bic pentameter: ... :

“is-very closely associated with
that of dérivatives: of the pos-
terior: branchial pouches, the fifth
branchial pouch developing into
the ultimobranchial bodies that are
incorporated... active in the neh
thesis of iodothyrogobulin .

transformed to the ‘accompaniment ;

of the music of the spheres to:

“Sownynge in moral vertu was

_ his speche,

And gladly wolde he lerne and

gladly teche.” —

I drew out my trusty automatic

- ho cartridges . . . damn those
Paper-Mates . . . they smear too.
“Got any ink?”

“She’s - terribly - responsive - to -
campus - opinion - works - well -
with - others - organizes - her -
time - well - although - one - per
son - interviewed - felt - her -
hatred - of - people - might - tend -
to - disqualify - her - all - agreed -
Stinky - would - be - an - excel-
lent - representative - of - the - col-
lege,” she answered.

“As the attache of this country’s
ambassador to PukaPuka, what is
your opinion of relations between
our two states?”

“The ‘seasonal rhythms of ‘the
natives put them in no position to
have relations with anyone; you
know, of course; that .endogamy is
strictly enforced.”

“Yes, of course.” After all, she
had received her Q.E.D., P.D.Q., and
WBMC from the Missolonghi In.



stitute of Dianetics, and who was I
to question such-a popular decision.
“What do you think of the honor

system ?”
“Oh,” she rhapsodized, “what a
Provided, of course,

ios idea!
that this is supplemented by three

proctors in every room and com-
pulsory responsibility of all to re-
port any infractions to the Mc-
Carthy subcommittee.”

“And what do you predict will
be the event of the century?”

“The Giants will win the pen-
,| nant and the Series in ’54.”_—_

“How about the food and service
at the Soda Fountain?” :

“Age cannot wither (them), nor
custom stale (their) infinite vari-
ety; other (places) cloy the appe-
tites they: feed, but she makes
hungry where most she satisfies.”

“If you were to be stranded on
a desert island for the next sixty-
nine years, what possession would
you consider most essential to your
well-being ?”

“My Harvard scarf, the new

Vogue knitting book, a fourth for
bridge and Burt Lancaster.”

Her succinctness overwhelmed
me. At last I came to the realiza-
tion that here, in our ivy-covered
Ivory*Tower, was. the termination
of.a universal craving, - Here, far
from,the bustle of the cities, we
may observe nature at work in her
dominion. The laws are her laws;
sudden violence is part of her pat-
tern. And, as we watch our ship

slowly sinking in the harbor, we

know that we have discovered pure

act devoid of potency: it is the
Prime Mover, it is... LULU-
BELLE!



era eer een crtonn naDaenn

ate tant ma aaa



EXT

RA!

Crusading Reporter Cracks Torrid Dope Ring,
Exposes Inward Rot At Elite
Main Line College

By Evvie DeBaryshe, °56

Special to the Main Line Times—

I crashéd the gates of..snobbish
Bryn Mawr College this morning
at three A. M. Acting on a hot tip
received in the middle of the wee
hours, that threatened to blast
wide open the chaste reputation of
this Nirvana-on-the-Schuylkill, I
concealed myself ina rhododendron
bush’ until the morning light would
give me a better picture of the
picture.

All night long, not three ‘ition
from my ear, I heard the thud of
the watchmen’s. footsteps, “Brutally
strong men, they kept watch over
the sleeping, or supposedly sleep-
ing campus.

That this quiescence was but the
outward covering for the inward
rot was made evident by eight-
thirty the next morning, as the
girls came staggering out of their
“sleeping” quarters. The stumbling
walk, the eyes, whose tiny pupils
tremored at the light, these were
signs of something besides sleep.
Something that raised the little
hairs on the back of my neck.
What was there hiding behind
those aloof walls that the parents
of these “innocents” would never
have dreamed of?

Crawling through a suspiciously
dusty hot-air vent, I found it. I
sensed at once it wasn’t a real hot-
air vent, there was no hot air. The
little hairs on the back of my neck
told me so, and on my hands and
knees, I found it.

There it was, boxes and boxes of

_|the stuff, neatly stacked, blocking

the passage completely. I ripped
one open, watched the fine white
powder spill out into the dirt.
There, in those innocent-looking
white boxes labeled saltpetre, was
the key to all the rumors, all the
hushed- -up scandal that had been

Professor Morebull
Shoots The Works!

by Mimi Collins, ’57
Professor I. M. Shootin Morebull
of the Sociology Department has
revealed many startling discoveries
in the first chapter of his new book
The Advantages of the Culture of



the Wasumangoabi Tribe in Cen-

tral Africa.

Partitularly—interesting - is: his
statement that the culture of the
Wasumangoabi tribe is so ad-
vanced that it should be the ulti-
mate goal of all other societies.
They have accomplished the amaz-
ing feat of harnessing child
labor to provide the food supply.
This younger group is to fill their
quota either by hunting animals
and foraging ‘for fruits and vege-
tables, or by offering themselves
for the family feast.

There is -no additional reward
for the zealous worker, therefore
he soon works only to the level of
his associates. Thus, the Wasu-
mangoabians.have obtained a truly
democratic - society.

Hate and greed have as re-
placed by apathy due to the cruel
punishment meted out by. neighbor-
retribution.

Mr. Morebull further elucidated
on the natives’ methods of punish-
ment and showed how much more
efficient their techniques are than
those of prevailing cultures. There
are no shades of guilt, and punish-
ment is levied directly. ua
,. Continued? Unfortunately



Prec SES Nae

running around about the Bryn
Mawr girl for years.

Quietly I restacked the boxes
that had fallen, smoothed out -the
dirt where I’d made tracks, and
made tracks for the exit. I re-
turned to my bushes, and waited
for the still of night to cover my
retreat. Suddenly, beside me, I
heard rustling, a girl’s high-pitch-
ed laughter; turning I saw .

READ THE. REST OF. MR.
PEEPER’S SENSATIONAL
STORY IN THE NEXT EDITION
OF THE KNOWLEDGE C608.

Collegiates ( Crump,
Tilden Totters On

by Charlotte Smith, °56

On Friday, before a couple of
cheering spectators, the Heavy-
Throw International Finals was
battled out to the last lump of lead
in a shot put classic.

The Owls, defending champions,
out-heaved their opponents—Lar-
cum College for Women—but only
by a few. arm lengths, in their |
closely fought tilt.

The joust wore on from the be-
ginning, with Torrid Tilden’s touch-
down toss from Merion Green to |
the Grad Center. The 1-lb. lead
flew with’ breath-taking speed and
was speedily followed by the Lar-
cum Horrid’s second place hurl
which looped around surprisingly
and unfortunately crashed through
the windows on contestants’
side of the library. “Coming out
through the other side, it was seen
to be bearing some carefully treas-
ured ivy on its erratic course (the
administration has been notified).

After a few hours’ delay, the
vagrant wanderer turned up in a
pit two feet deep it had dug in the
new tennis court. If it had not been .
for this slight change in direction
who knows but whether . . . but ‘No,
it could not be.

International heavyweight cham-
pion, Jersey Joe (Golden Pebble)
Young (not “The Mighty”) placed
a lei around the neck of Bryn
-Mawr’s captain (see gossip col-
umn) who then led a_ hearty,
though breathy, cheer for the great
Putter.

When interviewed later by the
press, Torrid Tilden stated, “It was
easy,” while both coaches profess-
ed themselves amazed at: the out-
come.

Tea was served afterwards on a
nearby bench,.

Bestial Eyes Drive
A Student Beserk

by Sally Moore, ’56

It is evident from the number of
overfed, over-presumptuous squir-
rels on campus that we are suffer-
ing from the effects of S.P.C.A.
advertisements and “be-kind-to-
animals” weeks. The squirrels
around here have learned how to
intimidate students into giving
them a free meal, and they have
taken advantage of our kind hearts:
and timordms natures.

At six A.M. a squirrel will in-
vade a room and its sleepy occu-
pant can shout at it and shake her.
fist, and it will only leap into the
room and enter into the spirit of a
game of tag. The only way to get
Continued on Page 4, Col. 2



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