New Object

The implication being that I loved the fact that over one thousand beautiful women live
down the road from me. Now, let me be blunt. I hate breasts!!! I mean, I appreciate
their aesthetic value in paintings and in the overall framework of the female anatomy, but
nothing else seems more undesirable to me than to kiss them, or fondle them, or caress
them....eewwwww.... Anyway, I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe that she
had just said that. I mean, didn’t she know that there are men in the world who are not
sexually attracted to women? But you know, it’s not even that. It’s not unreasonable,
since ninety percent of the men in the world are straight, to assume that someone is
straight. Chances are that they are straight. But why did I feel uncomfortable to tell her
that I happened to be gay? Perhaps she would have been perfectly OK with it. I had
come out to some of my tours without any apparent problems, but it occurred to me that
most likely, this was not a person who was thinking “chances are he is straight, so I'll just
assume he is until he says otherwise.” Most likely this was a woman who never even
considered the possibility that Iam gay. And then a few days later, on another tour, when
I was explaining that I thought Haverford was a comfortable place for people of all races,
ethnicity’s, nationalities, sexualities, one woman instantly stiffened and in a very alarmed
tone exclaimed: “Well, it’s not like Haverford is trying to recruit gays or anything,

right?” As if that would be horrible if Haverford was. Hmmm. These incidents really
got me thinking. My Haverbubble was apparently nothing like the rest of the world.

I have changed so much from the end of second semester last year up through today, in
many ways. One significant way is that I have come to realize that in many ways,
Haverford is nothing like the rest of the world. Perhaps I can hide here, shielded by the
1100 supportive people and a set of ideals that protects me from being disrespected, but
in three years from now I’Il be fending for myself—going out there and being ready to
deal with all the people who have never met another gay person before in their lives, all
the people who think that homosexuality is all about ass-fucking, all the people who think
that I woke up one morning and said, “gee, should I spend the rest of my life attracted to
women or men?” |

Yet, let me just say that I’m not pessimistic. In fact, what I want you all to get out of
what I’m saying should not at all be that I have negative and foreboding views of the
world. What I really want you to think about is this: if the people here at Haverford have
the potential to be tolerant and accepting, so does everyone. So while I am intimidated
by a world that is frequently homophobic and exclusive, I am reassured of its potential to
change by my Haverford experience—by the people whom I see everyday, by the Honor
Code that we ratify every spring, and by forums such as this. No, Haverford is far from a
perfect place, but it’s better than most. So, what I plan to do, and what I hope some of
you who see things from my perspective plan to do is this: enjoy your Haverbubble,
appreciate the comfort and safety that you experience within it. But when you leave it, or
when it’s Sinably time for you to pop your bubble on graduation day, remember what it
felt lik and pwhatever you do in the world, always try to encourage others to foster our
values of respect and tolerance. And then maybe someday, though probably long after
I’m gone, there will really be no fault in projecting my Haverbubble onto my more
worldly experiences.