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Page Two

THE COLLEGE NEWS





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THE COLLEGE NEWS

(Founded in 1914)

| WITS END





Published weekly during the College Year (excepting during Thanksgiving,
Christmas and Easter Holidays, and during examination weeks) in the interest of
Bryn Mawr College at the Maguire pains Wayne, Pa., and Bryn Mawr College.





The College News is fully protected by copyright. Nothing that appears in
it may be reprinted either wholly or in part witheut written permission of the -

Editor-in+Chief.



Copy Editor
Nancy. Hart, °34.:

Sports Editor
SALLY Howe, °35

- WE ditor-in- ‘Chief
SALLIE JONES, “34

News Editor
J. ‘ELIZABETH HANNAN, °34

Editors
ELIZABETH MACKENZIE, "34
FRANCES PORCHER, ‘36
FRANCES VAN KEUREN, ‘35

Subscription Manager
DorotHy KALBACH, °34

8

GERALDINE RHoaDs, °35
CoNSTANCE RoBINSON, *34
Diana Tate-SmIitTH, 35

Business Manager
BARBARA Lewis, °35

Assistant

MARGARET BEROLZHEIMER, °35 Doreen Canapay, '36



SUBSCRIPTION, $2.50 MAILING PRICE, $3.00
SUBSCRIPTIONS MAY BEGIN AT ANY TIME

Entered as second-class matter at the Wayne, Pa., Post Office -









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interests of being sophisticated and “of the world.” |

* Brace Yourselves
Whenever any group of undergraduates departs for a Christmas
vacation a great deal of advice is always forthcoming from those who
feel qualified to dispense it, but this year we feel that the time has

-eome for us to call a halt to codified suggestions for. behavior and to
think for a moment about just what is expected of us on this particular

occasion. We are making our debut into the world of Repeal and our

elders and superiors will be watching our every move to see whether|

or not we have sufficient good sense to enjoy the altered status of
alcohol without making ourselves ridiculous.

~ The ery of the crusaders for Repeal was that it was doing the
younger generation untold harm and encouraging them to drink in the
The time when
that might have been-said has passed, and in the future the mark of
what we will, out of respect for antiquity and hope for the future, call
a lady, will not be the quantity of cocktails and highballs she can put
away without disappearing under the table, but the intelligence and
taste which she displays in regard to the choice and consumption of
wines, and the restraint which she exhibits in regard to alcohol in
general.

What none of us born in the era of gin and whisky realize is that
they were intended for the consumption of gentlemen at all times, and
for that of ladies only upon the occasion of fainting spells, sudden bad
news, or the overturn of a“horseless carriage. A lady did not drink

whisky and soda with the utter abandon of her escort and we have a

suspicion that she will not do it in the future.. However, this was
never intended for a Vogue treatise on wines and whiskys, but was
intended as reminder that the eyes of the world at large will be upon
us in our play as never before, and if we fail to support the arguement
of the champions of Repeal that the return of lawful liquor would not
drive us deeper into our cups, but on the contrary would pry us at
least up to a level with the lip of said cup, we will be making rather
childish spectacles of ourselves.

The shortcomings of the social behavior of this generation have
been blamed on Prohibition by the wets: let us not give the drys a
counter-attack by increasing those shortcomings at the very beginning.
And in the interests of the néw attitude of youth let us formulate a few
rules which might be observed at a formal dinner under the new deal.
First, one is not expected to consume the ancient number of cocktails
before dinner; secondly, no wine glass should be drained to the very
bottom before everyone is seated at the table; thirdly, when the glass
has been drained it is necessary to rely upon the intuition of the butler
and the grace of the hostess—in other words one absolutely cannot
turn full around on one’s chair and shout for another round; fourthly,
there is a limit’to the amount of wine one can consume, and, as the
dinner must go on, due respect for the order and schedule of the
courses should be observed. And lastly let it be remembered that
formal dinners last a long time and that the combination of all the
various wines placed before one has most unbalancing effects if they
are treated individually as the first and last liquid to be seen during
the evening. We say this in addition as we would hate to hear of any
occasion upon which a studént, so overcome by the splendor of the
repast, quietly retreated into the land of Morpheus during the dessert.
That is absolutely prohibited under the new rules and constitutes a
foul for which the hostess is entitled to a free shot.

If we keep these few simple rules in mind we should have little
difficulty in convincing the world at large that we are not barbarians
by nature and that we are only too willing to behave in a dignified
fashion if they will give us dignified laws. In order to cover fully any
emergency which may arise during the holiday season we have tried

_to work out some satisfactory precepts by which we might be guided

in case one of our elders broke any of the rules outlined above. “We

have been unable to reach any solution that is entirely adequate, but,

in case of.a sudden emergency, when collected thought, is impossible,
we suggest the application of smelling sdlts to the patient and a witty
remark concerning the temperature of the room. Since smelling salts

_ were definitely au fait in the old days, to produce them would add

just the atmosphere of tradition that our generation lacks.
And finally allow us to wish you all A Very Merry Christmas and
a Happy New Year. We assure you we are going to have both.



A bird egg collection was recently From the Oklahoma Daily v we read

= - added to the University of Colorado|that a public speaking instructor






est. ‘remark, “So you won’t talk, eh?”

It is one of the best and| flunked a student with the cryptic |
most complete in the )

' MY- COUNTRY NEEDS ME
If I were big I’d neither be

A soldier nor a sailor;
The one is never out at sea,

The other’s semi-whaler.

I think as a marine my luck
From Iceland shore to Libyan,

Would please me as it does the duck,

To be a bird amphibian.
—Fickle’ Female.
ra POUARTES
KEEPING UP WITH \THE ’
ALUMNAE
At the charity performance of
Carmen, sponsored by the higher so-
cial lights of ‘New York, our favor-
ite New York Evening Journal re-
porter spotted “Leta Clews looking
more than charming in ‘a Spanish
shawl and a sombrero.” My! the
clothes. unconsciousness of ‘a college
girl!





THE KNIGHT BEFORE
CHRISTMAS
My lady slept within her bower
One bright December morn,
And dreamt of orchids all in flower
And May greens newly shorn.

When suddenly the silence broke,—
She tore a golden lock

(Like all the olden, lauded folk) —
And stilled the hoarse-toned clock.

She leapt from out ter Simmons bed
And washed and gan she dress,
From which procedure quick she
sped,

To breakfast—more or less;

And there beside her china plate,
Were piles of envelopes,

Each purple stamp-ed like its mate;
' The one on top she opes.

“Alas! Alas,” the damsel wept,:
“Look you, my darling, hard—
That frightful woman, Smith yclept,
Hath sent a Christmas card.

I crossed her off my mailing list,
A week ago today;

And I was so sure if I missed
Just her, ’twould be O. K.”

The knightly husband sat behind
His early morning sheet,
He scanned the news, nor knew why
pined
His love, his duck, his sweet,
=
“QO Edward, list the boon I beg,
Put down your buxom Post,
And quit your ham, your wott-boited
ege,
Your sweetly sereene esac

O Edward, Edward, get thee hence
Unto the city store, .

And get me there with copper pence,
A card to please the bore.

Post-marked December twenty-four
At least it ought to be,
Would I had bought just one card
more,
You should this day be free.”

Her husband breakfasted a gulp,
Into his coat he slipped,

The Post he folded into pulp,
And out the door he whipped.

He mounted on a trolley-car
That stopped at every light,
And every light shone red afar,
The streets were crowded tight.

But finally our hero reached
_A big department store,
Where all within the salesgirls
screeched,
To drown the rabble’s roar.

But*cards there were none now yet
-whole,

Each missed an envelope;

And all of them had paid the toll
Of hargete aunting folk.

And so he aia upon his heel,
_And walked the store without,

To shop where he preferred to deal
-—But oh! The fearful rout!

Our Edward stalked adown the aisle,
_He thrust his long arm through,
And grabbed a card, though crushed

the while,
What card he never knew.

He signalled to the lovely maid



Who rang up all the cash,
But she-to him-no notice paid,
_And so the knight grew rash.

He leapt across the ‘pressing throng,
His buckler straight before,

He paid his pence, and rung the
gong, eras
And shut the pence-filled drawer.

-| Then leapt he back mid many sneers

And ‘ill will ’mong all men,
That lasted him throughout the
years,
And made him oft count ten.

And back he came to his latly fair,
She took the Christmas card,

And kissed him nor did either care
That happy blooming bard

With meaning well thereon had writ,
‘“Dear One, be glad because’—

Ah, me! The bitterness of it!—
“There is a Santy Claus!”

—Mme. X-mas.



ON CLOSE CROSS-EXAMI-
NATION

When is the will to woo,

They always bill and coo,

And when at last they’re wed,

As sages oft have said:

They have to do their fill,

.And then they boo and kill.
—One Too Young To Know.



GLORIA IN EXCELSIS

"Twas the night of rehearsal,
over the earth

Of sheet ice a-plenty, of friction, a
dearth,

The big bus was teased o’er the high-
ways with care

In hopes other vehicles all would be-
ware.

Inside, the choir kept up quite a
chatter,

When—Slither! Slide! Bump! Now,
what was the matter?

Up from their seats they arose in a
flash,

Threw open the windows to see the
great smash,

When what to-their wondering eyes
should appear

But a car on the sidewalk, right
close at the rear;

And a furious driver, whose “vocab”
was slick!

They knew in a minute they’d pulled
a fine trick.

But you know the rest: they gave up
the trip,

And in great hilarity homeward did
slip.

and

—Con Expressione.



LAST-MINUTE CHRISTMAS
GIFT SUGGESTIONS

For Dad — Our new Razor-Edge
collars, outdating the Arrow.

For Mother — A _ chemical] set.
Makes the most superb smells, stains,
and sick people civilization has yet to
know.

For Sis—Nervous dromedaries.

For Junior — Your picture made
more personal with a Time caption
sprinted underneath it.

For Baby—A Muffler.

If satisfied, tell others.

If not, tell us. (Dieu te blesse,
chacune, as Tiny Tim. would say!)
—Cheero (and a bit of mock plum.

‘ pudding with Virginia Dare
sauce) —
THE MAD HATTER.



Conference to be Held
On Students in Politics



Continued from Page One
are being made to house students in

.4 Washirigton for as little as seventy-

five cents a night. Each delegate will
arrange for his own meals, but the
cost may average as little as a dol-
lar a day, thus making six dollars
the probable total of expenses in
Washington.

Information about reduced rates
on bus and railroad lines may be ob-
tained by writing the Executive Sec-
retary of the conference, Kenneth
Holland, at 140 Nassau street, New
York. Application blanks may be ob-
tained from Eleanor Fabyan, Pem
West.



One of Columbia University’s most

‘| ancient traditions—the annual fresh-

man-sophomore tug-of-war — has
been abandoned. Lack of interest
and interference with traffic on busy
streets were given as reasons for they
abandonment,





News of the New York -Theatres
There has been-an influx of movie

|actors from Hollywood this fall, bot

rit had been taken all in a spirit of
fun until Mary Pickford breezed into
town and went about delightedly kiss-
ing producers on the cheek and an-
nouncing that she had returned “to
appear in a clean play that will typi-
fy the romance” which she feels is
back in the lives of us all. She is
warming up. to her task of appeal-
ing to the better natures of the cos-
mopolitans by doing three a day on a
vaudeville stage and her vehicle is
none other than The Churchmouse,
We hate to put in our oar. where
there is no water, but we wonder if
Miss Pickford realizes that there is
a faint suspicion concerning the mor-
al welfare of the churchmouse in the
minds of most all who have seen it.
But she won’t do those scenes,-where
the secretary and her émployer—oh!
She simply couldn’t do it! *. i

Judith Anderson has replaced Jane
Cowl in-the cast of Come of Age, the
play about Thomas Chatterton which
Clemence Dane has just compléted.
Delos Chappell is handling the pro-
duction, and Miss Anderson will have
the support of Stephen Haggard in
the leading male role. Just what will
be forthcoming when the curtain.rises
on this history of the literary genius
and forger who had many adventures
and many loves before his death by »
his own hand at the age of seventeen
is a mystery to us. It will certain-
ly be something new and different—
for us all, including Miss Anderson,
and it opens in mid-Jauary.

Further proof of the fact that no
one can let well enough: alone but
must take care that when it rains
success it pours instead of merely
misting comfortably, is the announce.
ment that James Dale has written a
play soon to be produced. Mr. Dale
is at present achieving a rather rous.
ing success as Dulcimer in The Green
Bay Tree, and one who has observed
his manoeuvers in the interests’ of
art find it hard to credit him with
the creation of a very red-blooded
melodrama, as his Wild Justica is
reputed to be. Anyway, it will open
soon and has behind it the experi-.
ence of a run last season in London.
It is laid in an English village dur-
ing the dear dead ’80’s when there
was plenty going on that the histor-
ians didn’t think fit for the eyes and
ears of posterity, but those things al-
ways leak out and Mr. Dale is giving
some of them a healthy push.

Miriam Hopkins opened in the
Owen Davis drama, about New Or-
leans seventy-five years ago, on Tues-
day, too late for this edition, but we
will be greatly amazed if it does not
supply the fuel for a great many
critical bonfires and for a great many
conversations over the better bars in
the gentlemen’s clubs. Others who
will dash about ancient New Orleans
are Cora Witherspoon, Reed Brown,
Jr., Frances Creel, Frederic Worlock
and Owen Davis, Jr. Guthrie Mc-
Clintic is the producer and no one
wants it to go more than that worthy,
for the season has been getting along -
without his having produced a big
hit. And while we are on the sub-
ject of Mr. Davis’ play we would like
to know if in present geologic time
the senior’'member of the Davis fam-
ily has ever written a play into which
Junior did not project himself. It is

-|a pretty picture that springs into our

minds at the thought of the Davis
family at home. Junior sitting on his
father’s lap saying in a_ coddling
tone, “Pops, your little man wants
to try and make a name for himself
for the hundredth time—please be a’
nice Daddy, and write yourself anoth-
er play.” And the ‘proud father of
all this talent replying, “My little
pride and joy, you shall have a play
to ruin as much as you can in a
minor part just as soon as I have
finished this cigar.’ And so we have
got many of our plays. (We will

| eontinue these intimate sketches of

the homelife of the great in our next
issue.)

Raymond’ Massey and Adrienne Al.
len are-returning to our shores in
February in Nearer Than I, a play
by the English writer, Keith Winter,
in which Gladys Cooper will be star-
red. Mr. Winter will be remember-”
ed as the author of the exceedingly
unpleasant, and excessively psycho-
logical novel about Oxford, entitled
Other Man’s Saucer. However, he
‘succeed in creating a name for him-
self by the effort and has now- taken

(Continued on Page Three)