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Imaginary Conversations No. 2
Recitative on A Flat

A timid scratch on the door.

Miss Swindler, dejectedly—‘‘Come in.”

(Enter flurried student with her finger between the pages of Terence. She stumbles
over the piles of envelopes on the floor).

Student—‘‘Miss Swindler, I didn’t quite get the scansion of this line.” (Here
she realizes that by mistake she has handed Miss Swindler the Handy Andy.
Hastily retracting it, she stuffs it in her stocking.)

Miss Swindler (and here beginneth the recitative)—‘‘Well, sit down Miss
Stewlett, let’s see what’s the trouble I hope you’re going to like Pliny I had an
awful time getting Dr. Wheeler to give up Cicero I said to him for goodness sake
why don’t you tell me ten minutes ahead of time what you’re planning to give your
classes I never know what he’s doing and I never can find him. I’ve never had
such a poor class as this year’s and as for cutting (here the voice drops to G sharp)
it’s frightful. This system is all wrong. (Back again to A flat). I always mark
off anyway if I think a student has cut a lot I almost cut this morning myself I sat
up till three o’clock last night talking to Miss Schenck and I thought I couldn’t
bear class to-day I made up about sixteen good reasons for staying in bed but then
(voice drops to G sharp again) I hada conscience. (Here back to A flat) Anyway
I’ve got so much to do I don’t see how I can ever get it all in I’ve got to make a
speech in Chicago on Friday and it’s miles too long and I don’t know where to cut it.
Oh it’s a terrible job and then all of these envelopes have to be addressed and mailed
this afternoon they’ve gone and made me secretary of that fool Archaeological
Society and so I’ve got to send out these darn invitations. Oh it’s an awful job I’ve
just come back from town and I’m dead tired. I had gotten a blue cape that was
just what I wanted for the summer I thought it was just right but when I showed
it to Miss Schenck she said it was too loud not that I think her taste is impeccable
she wears a black hat that I’ve told her makes her look like a prosperous Jewess but
anyway I took back the cape and changed it for another that I didn’t like at all. I
stopped in at the dentist’s while I was there he doesn’t know how to do anything but
charge, that man, last week he put some novocaine in that didn’t do any good. I
nearly went crazy in the night and the next day I couldn’t talk at all and that same
day when I was walking down to Low Buildings I had to trip over the fool curbstone
and sprain this damn ankle again. Oh and then they did what they always do to
me—poured whiskey down my throat and if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s
whiskey well, come again Miss Stewlett, I’m so rushed I don’t see when I'll ever
have time to do anything on my Anthology come down to tea some time, Miss
Stewlett, I’m at home every Sunday .....

(With heavy sigh, depressed student departs.)





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