Letter from M. Carey Thomas to Mary Elizabeth Garrett, May 24, 1891

Dearest Mary, So after all you did write to me by the pilot boat - I was unjust - and you did telegraph me goodbye from New York, which telegram you must have intrusted [sic] to a Murray Hill official as it was not sent till two days after you had sailed - so I was doubly unjust, was I not? My last letter was mailed in such a hurry I forgot to apologize, but you had of course an upright conscience when you read my reproaches. I think last time, though I finished the letter in Philadelphia in such haste I had not time to reread what I had written, I had reached Mrs HoweGÇÖs reception to which I had 125 people, a charming day and a good time. Her lecture was good and she herself even to MamieGÇÖs thinking, a sweet humorous old lady of 72, a professional talker, who talked on placidly all the evening and in the morning till 11 A.M. Very clever at little turns of thought and expression, and far far more civilised than I had thought of course a complete lady by breeding and position but that I know; didactic with and old world sort of insistence, a talking in the half closed year of youth, very clever sweet talk of the time of our early swaddling clothes, abolition Emerson, Concord, and this I did not know. She knows little about education and cares little causes and people are her books. Bessie I had asked for this past week and Mrs. Howe, and she had accepted after we had lived through another dispute and burnt each otherGÇÖs respective letters. I took the ground that the med. sch. subject must be laid ghost and all, forever in its grave as far as our future talks were concerned and Bessie agreeing finally. But with her visit her being unwell interfered, and now Kate Ridill is there and I doubt if Bessie gets on to the 5th of June. She is far from well, and I am still sitting in wonder among the ashes of my vine and fig tree of friendship. Although if it were many things, a whole series, I should feel less amazed, but it is one winterGÇÖs ravage. Still I am so sure that the people that accomplish are of the future, and I want to escape from the past. Do you not know how when one is tired past mistakes and past grievances and quarrels are like phantoms in the mist, phantasmagoria, and one is cowed by these giants of fog and illusion. It has been so with me this year, but I want to leave it all behind. In the past ten days - and for that reason it would have been a little hard to write to you even if every moment had not been taken up. I have had a sort of intellectual renaissance and have felt so much less tired. My general English has gone so much better. I have lectured without notes on Shelley and Byron and Wentsworth and read and commented and the result has shown me how much more I could do if I did not do so much. Nearly half of my 75 students have been to me to say what a difference those lectures have made to them; and it has been the same with my graduates. I am quite sure from my experience this year that I can teach and lecture, but I want to do more. In past years it would have been - indeed I have over and over again included you in the things to be left behind, but now I do not want to do that ever again and you see as that resource is gone you must yourself smile off the head of one fog giant. Suppose you let me tell you a little about giant killing and suppose you do not answer for we shall not see each other for so very long and you might say something I minded. Strike your first blow then by writing as soon as you receive this a letter to Mamie about your sightseeing and say in your letter you were sorry not to say goodbye. Be sure to write all school and med. sch. letters to us both. Before Xmas and even at Xmas you held the key of the situation in your hands and you understood perfectly the situation, for Mamie seems to have explained to you much more fully than I have ever done. Somehow or other this terrible genius has escaped from his battle again. I do not wish to know why so long as I feel sure - as I do feel sure - that you did not wish to cause a very great deal of unnecessary unhappiness (to put it badly). But I want you now to try hard to get this fog demon of illusion back again into his confinement, and then like true Arabian Night heroes we will sink him fathoms deep. Probably he is a noisesome [sic] exhalation of this winter and will never repeat himself and will disappear with bell and book. Monday - Here I was interrupted and now after 8 hours of registering students I have only time to close in time for TuesdayGÇÖs steamer. Your letter came this morning. I am so glad your voyage was restful and approve much of your daily routine. I only wish we could have talked sometimes in the evenings after dinner when the stars come out and the sea is so full of evenings shadows. I shall be interested to hear of Susan TraversGÇÖ and your experiences, and I hope she will come although you know I do not like what I have heard of her. Perhaps you will change my opinion and I hope Lou will be in London when you are. Even with Loui you will like to have her I know. I wish you could make him not paint - for a man that does not need the money pictures ought to be better than his, I think. I send you a savage review of the pictures from the Nation. Is it correct? Mrs. Pennill [?] usually writes these reviews for the Nation but this seems even less sympathetic than hers. As you see I have done what you asked about Bessie. No, I will never talk it over again, and you need not be afraid. After next Sunday you shall have the letters of a lady of leisure and be patient till then. My college complications are more than I can will go into and I have almost lost heart. I often think I should like to go back into Bohemia again and leave it all behind. We have so many appointments to make, and it is so hard to find good lecturers. Just now a speaker for the Conf. of Degrees has been giving much trouble. Patten of Princeton at the last moment had to go to a conference and the time was too short to get an academic person. So I wrote to Stetmon and enclose his letter - He has been showering compliments on me ever since that time in Baltimore among others that I look like Lowells [sic] first wife who always seemed as if she could say unutterable things, but I differed in saying them and so forth. These have travelled back through various New York people and I thought his letter might amuse you. He is not a very clever or reputable person to be the representative American. Higinson was the only man we coudl get and he is to speak. E.B. Wilson our biologist has been so unsatisfactory that we hope he will close his engagement and if not we shall do so. He is a charming lecturer but a most unconscientious man. I think we have an English teacher however - a nice Harvard Annex woman Miss Paten. She is to telegraph us her reply tomorrow and I will then send you her letters. She is a lady and a very success [sic] teacher. Now goodbye. As soon as I collect myself I will write you a lot of school gossip. Tell me when you write Miss BakerGÇÖs address I will explain next time. Your letter was so very welcome and I should like to answer it in full were there time Your kiss from across the sea was more than welcome and I send another back. Take care of yourself and leave London if you get tired. Lovingly yours Minnie C Th