Letter from M. Carey Thomas to Mary Elizabeth Garrett, September 03, 1892

Venice - your desk? 2 candles, outside the window the moonlight on the canal and the Salute, three boats of singing men and women (do you not know it all?) the lap of the water for it is restless tonight. It is the only night we have not been floating in our gondola from 7 -+ till 9 or 10, yesterday on the lagoons by the Madonna del Orla, the day before in little canals, Wednesday by San Giorgio and Tuesd - the grand canal. There is nothing like it, nothing. Do you remember so many years ago after Pontresina our coming directly here and my thinking of you - no that you cannot remember so much that I suppose I shall never come to Venice without remembering how much I wanted you to be here then. If you had been able to carry out your plan of coming with us perhaps many things might have been different. It is a strange coincidence that now again we should come directly here after leaving you and consequently it has been doubly hard for me [to] keep from thinking of you through our long moonlit and sunlit gondola rows, that in themselves send one into dreamland. No, I did not mean that I did not think of your coming with us. What I meant was very stupid and I am much ashamed to be forced to explain it, but at least it is not so stupid as what you thought I meant. Of course I thought of it, but only to think how I wished it had been possible to beg you to do it and how impossible it would be for us to take even the shortest trip like that together until things were as they once were. And then, because I was writing so hastily, some evil genius suggested that obscure parentheses why did you not think of all this before changing them. It was a stupid thing to say on a parentheses and I apologise for it. But nevertheless I think you would have been foolish not to have come under these same other circumstances for it was absolutely perfect as a trip, beautiful exceedingly. I wrote did I not from Cortina which we reached at 2 after a beautiful 4 hours drive through some of the very most satisfactory mountains I have ever seen and a charming 2 hours at Toblach in the larch forests bathed in air like ice water closed by vistas of Dolomites. After the rest of the days in reading and writing, we drove the next morning 3 -+ hours to Pieve da Cadore, where we found adorable landscapes looking as if they had stepped out of TebianGÇÖs and GiorgioneGÇÖs backgrounds, splendid mountains and an excellent hotel our windows overlooking TebianGÇÖs house. That afternoon we read and the next morning again drove 4 hours to Belluno another beautiful drive, at every step the mountains wrapping themselves more closely in translucent Italian mists and shadows, until all Italy was upon us. We lunched at Belluno, took the train to Cornuda (2 hours) and there made a bargain for [illegible] to be driven to the Villa Mazer over Asola to Castelfranco. The Veronese frescoes can be seen only for 1 -+ months in Summer when the family is there. The whole villa, all the halls, bedrooms, all, is covered walls and doors and ceiling by him. The effect is dazzling, although no one fresco is transcendent. Then Asola is perched high over the long Lombard plain with the Euganean hills in front and the Dolomites behind. We saw the hovel (almost) in which Browning wrote Asolando and climbed high above the [illegible] to the castle of GÇ£Kate the QueenGÇ¥ and went over BrowningGÇÖs sons villa which is being built and painted I regret to say in reds and yellows that set oneGÇÖs teeth on edge among the soft grays. It is the same the same Browning tried to [illegible]. Then at half past six we started for our 2 hours drive down to Castelfranco through the Paduan plain with the sunset behind and the moon beside us and countless geese girls driving home their geese looking as if they were in GrimmGÇÖs fairy tales. It was charming - Castelfranco had no starred hotel, but the people were very nice and in spite of my adversaries I slept in spite of them and waked [sic] to find a genuine Geirgine outside town with a gallant statue of him in front of our [illegible]. The town is surrounded by ivy clad walls and a moat of the most picturesque variety and the Giorgone - whoever told you it was too repainted to be enjoyable certainly could not have cared for pictures - one of the very nicest pictures I have ever seen, adorable sea landscape sweetest tenderest vaguest of MadonnaGÇÖs faces and most romantic and Giorgionest of knights in armeur [sic]. Then at 10 the train to Treviso, lunched there and saw a most wonderful pseudo Giogione and some Titians and reached Venice at 2 on Tuesday - an absolutely perfect excursion. Do you not think so? Your letter came a few hours after I had mailed my BMS letter and was a relief because I was anxious to hear of your safe return. I am sorry the headache really came although it really was not to be wondered at. I very nearly had me and I was very very tired for 2 or 3 days. Upon the whole it speaks well for you that you should have got on so well. Especially as you had not time to rest as you would otherwise have had, had Rob de Forest not been already in Vienna when you arrived. I am glad you did not miss him and I am glad also he thought you were looking so much better. You know we shall have to make up our minds to face that report about Valborg. Bessie writes that she has heard from many quarters of your illness in Rome. When I left she thought you [if] anything were perfectly well. Mamie - we thought it was better for her to do it - has given her my explanation and I think unless you object I had better take occasion in my letters home, home incidentally to remark that the maid who was so ill in Rome and for whom you had a trained nurse so that my family can deny it. Somebody wrote to Mrs. Colvin among others about it. I must say it is exceedingly annoying when the secret was kept so completely when you really were wretched to have this accidental thing spread an untrue report. I think if you can I should mention casually when you get back that the illness of your maid in Rome had prevented your going to Sicily and say you had to have her nursed in your sitting room. It does not really matter and I fancy far fewer people may have heard of it than we think. I only know now of 3 independent sources from which it has reached Baltimore. Bessie only says that you are completely broken down and at a Scandinavian and that you [illegible] and your return will show the untruth of this. If Bessie had heard of ValborgGÇÖs convulsions etc she would have said so. But indeed this is only another reason for your not taking Valborg on the steamer with you. Remember you promised me not to and I shall be very, very much troubled if you break your promise. It is a trial to me for you to have her with you till you sail - and I really do know much more about the unwisdom [sic] of such things than I had time or inclination to tell you. So remember. Another promise I wish you make for it is easier when there is something external to hold one to a rule. I want you to promise to be in bed by ten every night and never to work in the evening or dictate and when we are together I will see that you keep it although it will be a great trial as we see each other so seldom. If you come home without this fixed rule it will simply mean you must go away again - and so many, many lessons as you have had ought to suffice. This it seems to me ought to be one invariable rule. Another must be to have your rules at absolutely regular times. There is still another promise that concerns ourselves. I wish to make it to you and I wish you to make it to me on paper formally. I want to promise you to tell you at once whenever I hear anything, or seem forced to think anything about you that is not just as I think it should be and especially as concerns our friendship (I really was made so unnecessarily miserable about that mysterious sawmill) and I wish you to promise the same. There seem to me many reasons for my promise to you and I think there are some for your promise to me which I will tell you someday. Bessie says Annie was desperately ill for 3 weeks before the baby came and then lost it. She had not yet entirely recovered her strength when Bessie wrote. Bessie writes a great deal about her house which she says will be a great comfort to her I am sure it will be best to treat calling on her in the way we spoke of. I am nearly sure she will return it and if she does not I will make her. I think I can do at least so much. There is every reason why you and she should keep up external relations, but she is not a friend of yours and you ought never to regard her as one, in my opinion, unless things change very much. By the way to get off this uncommon and stupid amount of business that is going to ruin my letter from Venice I foresee. I think you should speak to Mamie about changing the amount you leave the sch - because you read us you remember the clause referring to it - before that is anything is done. I do not mean of course that you have not a perfect right to do as you choose - you know that - but only as you told the Com. about the other arrangement I think we ought to - that is you and Mamie and I - to talk over this. I meant to tell you this when I spoke to you again about it but forgot, as what did I not forgot? I have said nothing to Mamie about it of course. Miss Schroeder and Dr. Hurd think the school will be small this year and I suppose we must be prepared for fluctuations until our Secretary is really a woman whom we can like and trust. Besides whatever harm BessieGÇÖs and JuliaGÇÖs resignation can do will affect us this year. There was not time last year. Bessie sees so many people that it cannot be expected not to affect us somewhat. I was afraid in speaking to you about who should pay for that model. I was not entirely frank. It is certainly true that until recently I should have felt exactly as she feels. That until we have paid expenses we are not justified in incurring any expense that will not bring a return in pupils. I am afraid I did not make that clear. The reason I feel differently now is that since Julia and Bessie have resigned and there is no more horrible and incessant discussion of expense, and since we can see clearly where we are in our financial position, and since I am so sure (as indeed I have always been) that you feel as I should about it, I cannot help subordinating the less important to the greater and caring more for the educational aspect of the school and emphasising and showing this even if it should delay a little the paying of our debt. Then too there has been so much talk of what we should pay and what you should pay and so much intense disagreeableness connected with it that as TrolopeGÇÖs vigorous English girls say GÇ£it fairly makes me sick and I would do so much to avoid itGÇ¥ - so much for the model - the cables at least we can pay for so send me the account. One other thing I want to say - also some unpleasant too. I am sure if you think of what I said about our dishonourable position toward the Trustees in regard to the med. sch. you will see that it is true at least in appearance. I personally promised Mr. White the time we talked it over with him and Judge Dobbin that the acceptance of the 100,000 would be used by us in no way as a lever, to open the Med. Sch. Mr. Gwinn got their votes for the resolution accepting our gift and committing them to admit women by just such a distinct promise which was reiterated by my father and Mr. King. We stated again and again that their acceptance of our 100000 would only commit them to admit women when they opened the sch. but would hurry them in no way. Your additional offer with the time limit was nothing but an attempt to make them by a bribe appropriate the rest of the money. It was exactly what we had said we should not do and the worst of it was it looked as if you had planned it and we had known you had planned it from the beginning. Of course I do not for a moment suppose this was true and you know how little idea we or Mr. Gwinn or my father had of it. But nothing will convince the other side of this and all the ill feeling there was, was caused by that bitter discussion over this additional offer. If there had been longer to think over it we should all have seen and felt the unfairness of it and could have provided against the appearance (and the reality indeed only [illegible] did not see it) of foul play. The result has been very unfortunate and has defeated all our plans. Both Mr. Gwinn and Father fully expected the trustees to be gradually brought to [illegible] at least $100,000 of the money if not much more. But the time clause in your offer caused Mr. Gilman to raise heaven and earth to get money illegible] for such a huge building as till then he has fought against for 15 years; it made Mr. White always bitterly opposed to spending money to reverse his whole policy and struggle as he has never struggled over a measure since the univ. began to have the whole available funds of the univ. [illegible] for this mamouth [sic] building without which before Feb the Univ. could not exist a day and toward which since that date has passed no single step has been taken. I saw this almost as soon as your offer had been made but as it was too late to reverse it I did not think you were well enough to be troubled about it. Now I want you to think it over and see in how false a position we are placed and how fatal a mistake in policy it was. It was part of the general wretchedness and haste for if you had been able to give us time to consider the matter you and we should infallibly have seen it. I think I am exactly as much to blame as you - and more so, for I was not so knocked up as you - and did know about the possibility a few weeks before but it was so uncertain I did not really sit myself down to think about it in all its aspects. But it is hard to bear, and has been all the year, the (I think) deserved reproach of having acted unfairly. No one can know that both to you and us and our fathers your additional offer was entirely unexpected when the 100000 of the WomanGÇÖs Med. Com. was first offered. The moral of all which is of course that if you are able to do the rest let us take plenty of time to think about how to do it in the best possible way, for it is so immensely, so unspeakably important, that it should be done in the best conceivable way. And our problem is complicated by our previous mistake which mistake will (I am sure) prevent us from getting the Univ. to help at all financially. Besides which all the money is now appropriated. One more thing - of course you know Mr. Mayer is not supposed to know how or why he was elected or that his election to the Univ. Board failed. I do not think he knows anything about it. The whole is a state med. sch. secret. Now my word of honor - I will not mention the med. school again till you do - nor need you answer this. I want you however to read what I have said over and think about it till you understand what I [ends]