Letter from Mary Elizabeth Garrett to M. Carey Thomas, November 11, 1891

Dearest Minnie, I was so sorry to send you off only what I did yesterday, but something seems to be the matter and whether it is Venice or only myself I do not know. All last week and part of the week before I really did very little, but I put it all down to the cold, which everyone seemed to feel very much, coming as it did in such sudden and sharp contrast to [illegible] weather. On several days I could not in any way manage to get warm indoors and I was so cold that it was actual physical suffering so great that actually oneGÇÖs thoughts were absorbed by the physical sensations. I decided that I must have as [illegible] rooms as possible when I moved (which I had to do as my rooms were promised to someone on the 3rd) so I came here and found both a sitting-room and bedroom to the south and here on the [illegible] you get much more sun than on the canal itself. I have had fires in both the stove and fireplace in the sitting room and in the stove in the bedroom and floods of sunlight and still I have shivered and have within the last three or four days developed frostbites on both feet on particularly one foot, and hands (happily not ears!). I thought I should get used to it and I thought it would not last but it did last and I did not get used to it. Day before yesterday it moderated at last and today it is raining and is milder so perhaps we shall have warmer weather. If not, I am afraid I shall have to flee from it. It is general and GÇ£unprecedentedGÇ¥ of course, snow at Palermo and at Sorrento, to say nothing of Florence, and even on the Riviera people have been shivering. Trains could not get through to Constantinople for days because of a snow blockade, etc. etc., and we were several degrees warmer here than anywhere else in this part of the world only getting to zero [illegible], but you know how miserably unfitted Italian buildings are for severe weather. If I have to go, there are the two extremes, St. Moritz, where it is intensely cold, but where [illegible] is made against it and where they say you do not suffer from it because of the freedom from mind and there is Egypt, where, while there are sometimes cold winds and cold nights, you have a tremendous sun. As I felt so wretchedly last week I began a tonic, thinking perhaps it would brace me against it, but so far it does not seem to have done much. There were 3 days last week when I could hardly do anything, the day after I moved, when I was completely worn out by that not very exhausting process, and two others. On Sunday morning I went to the Academia with the only acquaintances I have here besides the Brownings and in the afternoon stayed in to write. I began by writing to Julia de Forest (the first I am sorry to say for a very long time) and soon having to move from the desk and get as nearly into the fire as possible I found myself getting so sleepy that I had to stop and lie down. I slept till 6 and was very stupid in the evening too. Monday as I wrote you I did not go out at all, but I could do nothing and again slept the entire afternoon after my Italian lesson which goes from 2 - 3. Yesterday I went to Padua for the day and this morning I took my portfolio and established myself to write in bed, but as my foot was very stiff after so much walking yesterday, Nicoline was rubbing it and I took a book until she should finish, again got overpoweringly sleepy and only woke up fully in time to get dressed for luncheon. Not a very good record, is it? I have just come up from luncheon now and hope I shall not get sleepy again and have sent word to Miss G not to come today. Do you wonder that I dread the idea of the Engadine, when I really do mind the cold so much? Of course this is not one of the reasons why I feel so far from clear that it would be a good place for me to spend the winter. You say you believe if I could endure it, the winter months in the Engadine would do me much more good than the Nile with a party if I could get a congenial one, but you do not realize that the thing that seemed to me the very worst feature of a winter at St. Moritz was the intercourse it would almost force me into with people whether congenial or uncongenial. Long excursions (the few that can be made in winter) it would not be easy or advisable to make alone or always with Nicoline, and the places that are arranged for peopleGÇÖs use are of course frequented by all the people and if you do not spend the sunny hours out of doors you lose the benefit of being there. The people of course might turn out to be very attractive, but with the exception of the champion skaters who go there for that amusement, they seem to be those who go for their health or are with those who go for their health, they are chiefly English, there is an English chaplain who poor young man is sent because his lungs are weak, and as there are only about 200 people you are not lost in the crowd. I think it would be very oppressive, but I may be quite wrong. There and in other cities you are in a hotel with a lot of people too, but your hotel is only one of many, the people are coming and going all the time, you need never exchange a word with one of them unless you choose and are in every way absolutely independent. Egypt I donGÇÖt know about, it seems to me it would be a very doubtful experiment, but it might be a good plan to go to Cairo and spend some time there. Simply staying until one got tired and then go on to Luxor, where there is a comfortable hotel and do the same, and do more if any inducement came up. I know some people who will be at Luxor who have spent the past two winters there, and although the acquaintance is of the slightest, I should feel more comfortable about going there on that account. I met the wife Mrs. Leavitt (Mr. L. is the invalid) with Mrs. Rice (the acquaintance I have here) at Baireuth, the two being sisters. Mr. Rice, who is a Williams College Professor, off on a yearGÇÖs leave of absence on account of ill health, is a New Haven man and the wife is probably from the same place. They appeared at the Beitauria a day or two before I left it and have tried to be kind, as I suppose they think it must be lovely. They were going with me to San Michele on Ogni Santi, but she had to stay with a sick child, so that Mr. K. and I made the expedition alone; then they asked me to go on Sunday morning to the Academia with them and yesterday I went to Padua with him - she again thinking she had better stay with the children. This ends the list of my expeditions. It was really very kind in him, to ask me to go to Padua as it would have taken much more energy for me to plan to go with Nicoline and I think it was convenient all round, as Mrs. K. did not care to go, and yet did not want him to go alone. They move on to Florence in a day or two and then to the Riviera for the winter, so that I shall see them no more. He is rather a typical College Professor of a small American town, and studies pictures with very much conscientiousness. His special enthusiasm is for Titian. They know Mrs. Griffin very well, and he told me yesterday he had just had a letter from her and that she had been ill again this summer for 3 months. Poor woman. I hope she is going to get well now. I have just had to ring to have the second fire lighted in here and to my delight the wood man says it is the scirocco. I donGÇÖt think the scirocco is generally considered very [illegible] or very desirable, but it means I hope milder weather. It is the first really rainy day since I have been here and it is very gray and misty, but very beautiful still. To go back to the Medical School and Mrs. [illegible] about whom I wrote you the other day, I have seen twice since then and I suppose you have in that rather useful although so aggressively disagreeable WomanGÇÖs Journal that she has endowed 5 $300.00 scholarships for women in the State University, so that (if this be true) she has had at least $3,000 to dispose of! Have you seen that a woman has been admitted to some of the lectures of the University of Berlin? It was formally announced in the London Times a few days ago. And do you know who the woman is. [Illegible] Miss Gould took her degree - a 2nd class, wasnGÇÖt it, but still I suppose it was doing well if she was so wretched. The most surprising part of the news about the proposed academic building was that they had agreed to the suggestion of moving Levering Hall. I did suppose that before they allowed it to be put there, they had in mind the buildings they expected to put up in the future and would not need to consider its removal. That does sound very stupid. I could not make out from your letter when the election of new Trustee was to be, but rather inferred it was to be at a meeting following the one at which the Building question was to be decided. How much head has Laurie Kiggs? Is he much under his motherGÇÖs influence, for she is not an enthusiast about the coeducational part of the question? The only possible way of course to contrive that Board is to put in enough Trustees whose views are sound to make a majority with our present minority. As things are it is a terribly hard struggle and victory is by no means assured. I do not think I needed the straightening out about Kate, or at least not to such an extent, for the influence I wished you to be able to use with her you still have if you can call upon her to help when a definite issue arises as you say you can. I really thought there was so decided a congress from them as you wrote that you would not care to do this, I certainly had not hoped that you would spend much time with either her or on her, for I fully agree with you that that would be wrong [illegible] of the relative proportions importance of things. I should think James McLane had done so much talking that he would be rather ashamed to turn straight round, but I donGÇÖt think any of us felt much faith in him, or anything but distrust at his election, so that it is not a surprise to find him already in the [illegible]. Your idea of converting your present science building into a cottage hospital was certainly most ingenious and I am so glad the new building is to be begun, even though you have not raised the money, for I am sure it is better policy in such a case to go ahead even at the risk of a little seeming imprudence as it enables you to develop so much more quickly. It was too bad that Mr. Marshall should not have answered differently. By the way, I am pretty sure that the thing in question, was in relation to German and not to French Government Schools, although of course the latter may have it also and the report I saw was a German publication on the construction of German schools and gave I think illustrations of many of them. I should think you would find the thing in the library of our Board of Education. Apropos to the Science Building, in the prize whom you like so much a gentleman. You say you like him GÇ£immenselyGÇ¥, which is speaking very strongly. What a pity about Miss DruithGÇÖs death, I do hope Miss Sophia Kirk (could a Miss Sophia Kirk be anything but the old maidest of old maids?) still doesnGÇÖt sound a bit like a Pegasus will be a success and help you quite as much as Miss Druith did. It is hard with all the rest of the training she will require, that that in dress should be added. So the pretty Miss Lurman succeeded. Surely wonders will never cease and the world is moving very fast in Baltimore when such things are! I hope she is as bright as she is pretty. Is the new material good this year? Are there any other Balto. Girls? I am very glad you took the Egyptian albums as well as the portfolios of sculpture for I like them to be of use and am sure that you will see that they are taken good care of. Before you send the portfolios back, wonGÇÖt you please get someone to catalogue them for me and send me the list. (I should like it as soon as convenient, and you must let me know how much it costs). Miss Baker did not get to them and I have no list of them at all - of course I want the Braun numbers and anything else that is them. I know it is a very incomplete set and ought to be added to. If you use the Sistine Chapel photos at any time, please have those catalogued too, as I do not find them either in Miss BakerGÇÖs catalogue, much to my surprise as I thought she had done them. Could any have been omitted in making the copy I wonder? Talking of this catalogue reminds me that I am not by any means sure that I have ever thanked you about it or acknowledged it. I think I must have, but do not remember when. I have thanked you many times first however if not in words. The Grecian things unfortunately are not yet mounted, as Lily Williams and her mother who have been mounting my photos for me have not been well enough to do them and I said there was no hurry. If you need the, however, and there is time, write to Lily (Miss L. Otis Williams, the (Berkeley, in Lager and Park Sts) saying I told you to if they were needed for the lectures, or work, asking her about them and whether she and her mother can arrange them sufficiently for Soule to mount them, otherwise you will have to try to have them done in Philadelphia or have them arranged for Soule. Soule does it better than every one else, I think, except the Willilams, who take much more pains than any of the people about the drying, etc. If your Miss W. comes across blunders in the accounts, notes on those photos, will you get her to make notes of them for me, so that they can be corrected. You had better look in the Greek ones perhaps first and see whether they would be of much use, for it is a very imperfect poor set, I think, first because I did not find a good man, and second, because he was the only one I have ever come across who would not send his photos to the hotel to stay overnight or even to be looked at in the evening and I had only a very little while to select and as I remember I got only some of the things I had seen. Thursday A.M. 12th My back got so tired yesterday afternoon that I had to stop and went to pay my only and as I supposed farewell visit to the Keins, but they have put off going. I came home through the drinkers through the Piazza and had my first view of St. MarkGÇÖs in the gloom of a very grey and misty [illegible] to the evening I went in is in all, with interruptions due to a [illegible] lineup and writing the School notes and to of and to R.G. and S (as I did not want the things to arrive without his knowing anything about them) and the receipt of the mail. It is not the servico after all, but it is much milder and still gray and inclined to rain. My photos came last night and I suppose I must have the one you like printed for you. Of course it is immensely like, but it is hard that it should be, oh, dear me, what a kean delight it would have been to have had the gift of beauty, too great a one to make it desirable, I suppose and perhaps I ought to look upon not having even a little of it as good discipline, but I donGÇÖt enjoy being chastened. There does not seem to be much chance of my trying to have one taken here soon, as I should not dare to go to one of their places in such weather. I am so exasperated about my frost-bitten hands and feet, for of [illegible] it simply shows how defective my circulation is. Fortunately my right hand is not as bad as my left. I did think a great deal about the possibility of going back now for Dr. ShafferGÇÖs experiment, and, if he had been on this side of the ocean, I should certainly have gone to him, but I could not go back to America without going home and being in the midst of things again, neither he nor anyone else could tell how far the backache is nervous and how far not. There is certainly [illegible] element in it and it is certainly dependent to some extent on my general condition. [illegible] Maybe thought I was not strong enough generally to undertake [illegible] of the [illegible], as it would involve a good deal of divided discomfort, if not suffering, and some nervous wear and tear as well, and said he would prefer not to attempt it until I was better. I do not believe I have much more power of resistances now than I had then, and I might go through it all (he said it might and probably would take 3 [illegible] to succeed in getting a perfectly adjusted brace and would have to arrange to see him as often as [illegible] and it might prove too help after all, in which case I should certainly be in worse state than if I had stayed over here. Of course he said, he might hit in just the right thing in a few weeks and again it might take a good deal longer than 3 months and he was very frank in saying that he felt uncertain of the result altogether sufficiently hopeful to make him think it worth my while to try it under more favorable conditions. Of course I have a very great dislike to wearing a brace, (which may be a little morbid but is still natural), and it might be that it would prove necessary only to wear it say at night or for a few hours during the day. Do you not see how difficult it is to tell what is best to do, with all the uncertainties? Venice in almost every way seems to be the ideal place for me, except when it is cold. To take the practical side first, its quiet and the freedom from the noisy traffic of ordinary cities never loses its soothing effect on me. Then the motion of gondola is not only not trying or disagreeable in any way, but it is a positive luxury and pleasure and if I am very tired and my back is aching very badly, and I get into a gondola, it gets better at once. My little pillow still always goes with me and with that, it is almost like lying down and is absolutely restful. Then of course there is not only the great interest of everything, but the great variety of interest, so that you are rested by the constant change. The mere fact of its being so out of the current of ordinary life and interests adds immensely to its value [illegible] GÇ£nerve-restnesGÇ¥, just as the same thing does in Egypt. Then there seems to be a very soothing quality in the air and while I was all on edge with nervousness sometimes at St. Moritz, here [illegible] soothed. Of course on the other hand I donGÇÖt suppose it is stimulating and as I said in the beginning, I have been feeling miserably just lately, but I believe I shall have those ups and downs no matter where I am. Then it is needless to say that the delight of being able to see something artistically perfect and beautiful at every turn, where I have had so little of that sort of food for so long is very great and while I have seen less, I suppose in these four weeks than you saw in a week, I have still seen a great deal and felt a great deal, and I do not lose the keenness of the pleasure given by the consciousness that the [illegible] Palace is only a stoneGÇÖs throw away and that the gilded hills that I see from my [illegible] window belong to the Domes of Saint MarkGÇÖs and that in time I am in Venice, and that perhaps I may know it better before I leave it that even if I do not, I am at home in it and at home in San Marco, which certainly is the most beautiful church in the world. Of course I have often remembered as I did before coming, our pleasant meeting here after the Engadine and of what it would have been to be here together, but perhaps it was best so and some day we may be here together [illegible] yet, for it is not conceivable that if we both live, some golden days should not come sometime. I do not believe that Bessie and I shall be called upon to act together for a very great many years, if at all, and you certainly ought to live long and longer than I, unless you cut short your time by overwork and that I am afraid you may do. I do hope that wretched pain has not come back. You do not say what they thought it was from and who examined it and why did you think a lump was coming? Do please be very careful if it comes back and do whatever you ought to do for it. Even including the miserable cautery if necessary, although I hate the idea of you having to use it. So you will not tell me what you would like to have of mine! I arranged to have letters burnt unread, in such a way that I think there is no doubt it would be done immediately, for I have the same feeling that you have about carelessness about them. Thanks very much for the two Howells books. I read the GÇ£Indian SummerGÇ¥ which was almost as good as new for me, or one of my wretched evenings and mornings last week and found it again very attractive reading; the BoyGÇÖs Town I am still saving. You must not send me many novels, please (unless I go to the Engadine, when I will let my conscience go to the winds about them), as they are a great temptation to me as you know and here of course I can find plenty of things to read that are sufficiently light, and yet very much worth my while. I find it such a constant aggravation not to have some of my [illegible] that I think I shall send for them. I can only put them away again if I do not need them by the time they reach me. Later- Here I found it was time to get up and dress for lunch and then I went down in the rain to the Palace [illegible], but as [illegible] only 15 minutes of closing time, I simply loitered about the upper galleries looking at the for the most part wretched collection of busts of her great men that she has been putting there for the last 25 years and the busts medallion of the two women and then went into San Marco and stayed until the closing time which is so unpleasantly early now - 4 oGÇÖclock. And now I have just time to close this volume before dinner, but my head aches too badly in spite of two cups of tea to add much. Please do not ask me to cancel whatever was extreme in your letter of 19th, for while it is true that it was more affectionate than I deserved, I hope it was true. The land of sonnets I think is very apt to be there with me a great deal of the time even though it can find no such expression. Do not try to force it too much into the background. As for your letters, I would very much rather have them GÇ£written without thought for form and expressionGÇ¥ and very rarely have much fault to find with them when I get them. This time I will send you more than one kiss, as you seemed to think that not generous once before. I wonder when you can find time to read this very long and very rambling letter! Lovingly yours, Mary E.G.