Sadie Brouwer Bartram letter to Martha Schofield

Brooklyn February 4th 1865

My dear Mart,

This is the third letter I have attempted
to write to thee this week, but tonight I hope to meet
with better success feeling sure if I leave it till tomorrow
company will interrupt me as usual. - Oh! if thee was
only with me tonight I should find plenty to talk
about, but as I am all alone and a very bad cold in
my head beside head-ache and sore throat, I fear it
will be with difficulty that I can write a decent letter,
but as it is to my [Underlined: husband she] must overlook all
imperfections, even if she is a [Underlined: "school marm."] My letters
always are miserable scrawls, so perhaps this won't
be worse than usual. - I guess I will commence
by telling thee the wonderful event of the past
week. Last 2nd day was most beautiful; that
afternoon Cousin Sarah, Jennie and self went
to Bay Side to make a long talked of visit, had
a delightful visit, returned yesterday P.M.
5th day I called at thy Aunt Eliza's where I saw
thy sister Lyd for the first time, I think I should
have known her both from thy looks and Sallie's
I wanted her to return to Brooklyn with me but
could not, but came down today, Aby coming
to New York with her. About noon it cleared off
beautifully, so we all went riding (In her Emler's
carriage) that is Jessie, Lyd, Louise, Emma,
Nettie and self a real jolly load. We rode all
around Greenwood the beautiful City of the Dead.
We had been home but a little while when father came
in with a general invitation for us all to go to the
Theater tonight, but as I never go I refused, but Jennie
wanted to and Lyd too, so they accepted, Mother
had never been but once, so by father's persuasion
she went too, Sarah and William have retired
long ago which accounts for my being alone. It
was a long time before Mother could consent to
go, but I did not object for her, feeling that if Father
was so very anxious it would not hurt her while
it might give him pleasure, and if he saw she
sacrificed so much for him, it might be of use. I did
not know suppose Lyd would go, but she told me she
had been twice this winter; I am glad she had an
opportunity of going in New York if she likes it. Tomorrow
I hope to accompany her to hear Friend Beecher, and
Second day to Central Park. I am sorry she can
not remain longer but she says must return 3rd day.


There has been a great deal of Small Pox in the City
this winter. Our [doctor] vaccinated Jennie and I last week
he thinking it quite necessary. We looked at our arms
and pronounced them "taken". They were very sore, I was
quite sick third day night and fourth day.

Our Sociable still continues the same, though I have
rather lost my interest in them, have only gone lately
on Jennie's account. Though I always have a nice time.
The next will meet next week at the house of thy
President Mr. Underhill. I think it doubtful if I go.
Does thee remember last winter a party of us going over
to New York to hear Mr. A. A. Willets lecture, and were
disappointed by having Chapin take his place. Well
last week he was expected to lecture again Millen came
for Jennie and I to go, though it was a very cold night
we went and had a very nice time though he again
disappointed us, Mr. "Edmund Kirk" took his place, I
declined making another engagement for this week
to hear him, as we were at Bay Side. I had a
very pleasant call from Mr. Lapham about three [?].
I like him very much, is very intelligent and refined.
He came the next Sunday evening for me to go to church
with him. I went and had a nice time. He is a
great lover of Beecher. - I had a long confidential
talk with Steve Willets at Louise's Sociable about
M. Moore. They will [Underlined: never] marry. I would like to see him
again, he has promised to call but has not as yet,
goes to Em's quite often, takes her out skating. She
and Louise skate a good deal. I never have tried
and have no [Underlined: desire] to learn. Jennie skates well
went out twice up to Bay Side.

Mart why has thee never told me thy sister
was a Spiritualist? I was not very much surprised
when she told us tonight, knowing her intimate
friends Dr. Childs were still I felt thee might
have told me. Why didn't thee? Could thee ever have
thought I would love my husband less, because
her sister's religion and faith differed so entirely
from my own. No my darling it would take more
than that to touch the cord of love that binds our
hearts together so everlastingly [?]. I often wonder
why and how we ever became such [?] [?] friends,
so entirely different in almost every respect. Perhaps
if we were more alike our love would not be as
strong. Daily do I thank God I have such a true
friend, to whom I can go with the burden of my
heart; some-how I feel thee has not told me
all the troubles of thy heart. I feel thee is
keeping something back, do not hesitate to tell


me all, have I ever from a moment given thee cause to
feel thy confidence has been misplaced? Oh! how
I long to see thee; to say what I cannot cannot write.
How it grieves me to hear of severe suffering with thy
feet again. I feel if thee could have spent the winter
in Brooklyn, much pain would have been spared.
I hope as spring approaches they will be better. How
fast the winter has passed in a little while it will
be Spring and then Summer, though we have had
some severely cold days the winter has not seemed
unusually cold. What lovely evenings we are having,
the moon so bright. The folks will have a pleasant
ride down Broadway. I think they will soon be home
as it is after eleven. I did not forget last 4th
day was thy birth-day, but thought of thee many
times, and could imagine thy thoughts. While
we were at Bay Side we read "Hannah Thurston"
which we have long wanted to read. We like it
very much, the Characters not over-drawn as in
most books, we want now to read his last work
"John Godfreys Fortune." Mr. Lapham promised to
led it to me, has not yet bought it. Another
popular work I am anxious to read is the
"Chronicles of the Schonberg Cotter Family" said
to be the life of Martin Luther's family.
Last week was our Quarterly Meeting. John
Hunt was there and attended our Meeting last
1st day afternoon where he spoke with his
usual devotedness to the "truth and light within."
Poor Old Man! He seems a truly penitent Christian
perhaps is made purer and better for having
suffered, is so sympathising with young people,
always pleading in such gentle tones. Jim went
and was very much pleased with him. He and
Jennie went to Beecher's in the evening,
Mother had a severe cold so I staid with her.
Anna Barnes was down with her father to [Quarterly Meeting].
She looked as sweet and lovely as ever. I have
been quite disappointed this week to receive
no letter from Hannah Willets. She and Charlie
Haviland have been up to Poughkeepsie visiting.
I expect thee looked for a letter this week.
I am real sorry to disappoint thee, for I know
how to sympathize when no one comes when looked for.


How kind of thee to write me such a nice long letter last
time, while suffering from thy feet too. Some how lately, the
spirit of letter writing had entirely forsaken me, and it is
great effort I write any. Not that I love my friends
less because I write less often. My Husband occupies
[Crossed out: the] a great deal of my thoughts, and sometimes feel if I
could only write the feelings of heart [Crossed out: in] what a relief
it would be, but I can find no words to express them.
Last week I had a fit of "the blues" like I had one
time last winter, no particular cause I think, but
I could not shake them off for several days. Now I
am better. Oh! what is death compared with [Underlined: Living] trouble.
'Tis only those who have had experience to teach them
can know the anquish of the suffering heart. I know
I ought not to mourn, for my burden is light compared
to that of many others but still the pain is severe and
terrible. Experience can never teach the pain caused
by having a much loved father and brother out till
mid-night, night after night, God knows where. I
am thankful I can control my feelings, sufficiently
to prevent the enquiring [?] penetrating into the secret
of my heart. To thee and God alone have the secrets
and suffering my life been revealed. I knew I could
find perfect trust and confidence in the bosom of my
friend, therefore through prayer I was made willing
to unfold to thee what had long been hidden and
I thought remain forever closed. I have never
regretted telling [Underlined: all] I did, although pang was
severe at the time. - I have seen very little of
Emily this winter, scarcely any alone, she seems
changed to me, cares more for outside pleasures. She
Louise and Carrie Quinby spent the day with me
last before [Quarterly Meeting]. Louise seems much better than
she was. I think her very lovely. I had a long talk
with her the other day. Em had gone skating with
Steve. Nettie came down yesterday to make her long
visit. So much company for Em. though she has been
alone but little this winter. Jennie expects to spend
next week there. I will miss [?]. very much. She will
go home in two or three weeks. I will feel very lonely
Oh! why are we destined to be so far apart, when
I need thee so much, thee has John. I was
very much surprised when Lyd told me [?]
sister was in the Asylum. I remembered her being
so lovely. Poor girl, it is very hard to see a
dear sister or friend pass her life in such a
state. There comes the carriage, the folks have come
so I must stop for the night, good night.


[Number] 2. First day evening.

The day has passed and still this letter is unfinished.
They had a nice time last night excepting for one
thing. Lyd [Underlined: fainted]. I think she was very tired and
then going in a heated room, made her feel badly.
They carried her out and after some time was
able to return. Mother feels she must have been
sent there. I am so glad she was with her.
This morning Jennie and I went to Meeting, Lyd
not wanting to go, wishing rather to write.
She would not let us stay home, after dinner we
took a nap while she wrote again, and tonight
we all went and heard a very good sermon
from Beecher, she was very much pleased.
He is indeed a great man, no one could as
well fill his place. What a great loss he would be.
So nice to think you could have a good
lecture near you, you must have enjoyed
it very much. I would like to have heard him.
James Miller returned from Europe last seek
had a very rough passage. Since is much
better, and Phebe well, the baby grows finely,
is a real good little creature.

I do hope thee will not confine thyself too
closely in thy school, health is too precious
to be trifled with; better to give up teaching
than to have that ruined for life, teaching
does not agree with thee and I am sorry
thee ever commenced it again. Still if
[Underlined: duty] called thee perhaps I have no right
to censure. I am glad though thee is near
home and not have to go to the city every
day. What does thy doctor say now; does he
give any encouragement that he can cure?
Do they look worse or is it inward suffering? tell
me just how thee is; do not fear to tell me
the worst. oh! if I only could [?] thee.
I sincerely hope thee may be greatly
relieved if never permanently cured. I
wish thee could see our physician.
He is so nice.


While I was at Bay Side, "Cousin", Robert Bell and
wife took tea at Uncle Henry's. I liked them
very much. I had thee speak of them so often, I
felt quite well acquainted. Emily Willets is in the
city. I met her mother a few minutes. they
all like her so much, she is such a kind
and good neighbor. I have not heard from
Walter and David, wonder how they are
getting along come back with immense
fortunes I suppose. Emma Haviland still
keeps well, rides on horse-back and goes all
around, surely they must remember the old
Doctor with everlasting gratitude. Does thee
remember Mary Underhill who was under his
treatment at Cousin Mary Jane Field's.
she was buried last week, after several
years of suffering, but died quite suddenly
at last with a disease the Doctors
little imagined, an inward tumor.
The "little setting" still are continued with
great interest having been approved by the
Monthly Meeting. - The boys often inquire
after thee. George has not been here in
a long, long while I only see him at
the Sociables. Jerde came down with his
parents Sixth day evening. he was quite
sick last night with sore throat. They
have all been vaccinated, George fainted
while his was being done.

It is late and I must go to bed the
rest have all gone long ago. Do write
to me very very soon. I am so sorry
if thee was disappointed if thee was
looking for this last week.

With very great deal of love I
remain as ever thy devoted
friend and wife
Sadie.


[Envelope]

Miss Martha Schofield
Darby P.O.
Delaware County
Pennsylvania

Answered -

from Brooklyn
Sadie 1868