Letter from M. Carey Thomas to Mary Elizabeth Garrett, September 03, 1888

Dearest Mary, I have just sent off my Committee letter and even although I think I shall have to go to bed in a little while from the effort I must write you a few words. It has again seemed a little eternity since I wrote and it has only been a week. On Tuesday I had to go to Baltimore to meet Dr. Hubbard my Anglo-Saxonist who is so gentlemanlike and inefficient (not that they always go together) that I am deeply discouraged. Then followed a long morning at the school house and then my return journey; then the next day in bed till five P.M.; then a day up; then a day in bed then yesterday devoted to writing my letter and to thinking how I disliked to differ from you just no; today I got up at nine finished my letter and now shall lie down till I go over to see Bessie. Since I wrote I have only seen her twice, no once only. Kate Riddle is there and I do not feel like going over, Bessie has been unable to come to me. She has been wretched and is afraid she will not get over this set back. Her old enemy [illegible] pneumonia threatens her again and a little forethought and prudence could have saved her. You know I wrote you at the time. She has never got over nursing Annie for that week and now I fear she will be wretched until she gets to Aiken. Here Bessie sent to ask me to come over and I have come back and shall go to see her every day until she is better. I have been reading a great deal since I wrote all sorts of things and among them your Arabian Nights I got three volumes when I was in town. I walked straight to them and they are very Lethean. ShelleyGÇÖs life in a second reading amuses me. I think before my passionate sympathy was too great to enable me to see the undoubtedly humorous side. As one gets older one understands - not necessarily sympathises with - the conventional view I acn understand why Mother laughed over GodwinGÇÖs life till I almost wept with vexation years and years ago. Science I have been reading too, a book of FiskeGÇÖs; CloddGÇÖs much reviewed Acct of Evolution and so on; JamesGÇÖ GÇ£ReverberatorGÇ¥ and StevensonGÇÖs charming essays. He is my new gilded idol and books unlike other things retain their glitter. Ah poor Shelley what a company of ghosts stripped of illusion flit beside him. Mrs. WardGÇÖs GÇ£Robb EllesmereGÇ¥ has given me a little ethical help. The subject of immortality is excellently well put by Robb in his death bed. It is complete oblivion to me to read and as I am not well enough to work I can abandon myself as I have not abandoned myself for years but whenever I come to myself again I realize as Stephenson says that GÇ£one wing of my fairy palace of lifeGÇ¥ is closed for ever. It is wonderful to feel that I can lie in bed all day without worrying anyone seriously. I often think that if I had watched Mother as she watched me that I could have discovered something was wrong; and yet it might only have made a happy year unhappy. Mary would it not suit you better for us to come to New York? You seem to me the person to be considered. I shall have to go on to see Dr. Cushier in any case and I think Mamie could get off. If we meet at all I think we ought to take time to talk over the whole subject and we may easily have to spend more than a day. If we quarrel I simply cannot stand it. The prospect of opening Bryn Mawr on the 25th looks to me even now impossible and if we should have one of our old Committee meetings every bit of courage I have been trying to summon up would vanish. People that love one another and people that do not ought to be able to differ honestly and honestly to persuade one another - even the former class. I know if I could express it properly you would feel as I do about the expense. If you do not it must be my fault of expression and about the plan you must remember that from the nature of the case we could none of us be consulted and every detail so vitally affects the school that we cannot possibly help having opinions that must be discussed if they are not to be entirely disregarded. From the moment I saw the plan it made me unhappy and now I am very much afraid lest I was too nervous to express myself as I wished to. If I am nervous how much more must you be without the two months of entire rest that I have had. 2 months yesterday, that seem 2 years. I am afraid this letter will make you tired of seeing my handwriting but I think I will send it without re-reading it to tell you that apart from our daily cross (and perhaps future crown) the school I think of you over and over again - with love and anxiety and wishes that I could do anything to help you and maledictions that the one thing I could do I canGÇÖt do. Goodbye Lovingly yours Minne C. Th