Letter from Mary Elizabeth Garrett to M. Carey Thomas, December 13, 1887

Dearest Minnie, I had been wondering for some time why I heard nothing from you, but only thought you were very busy, when your letter with its awful news came on Sunday morning. Fortunately I opened it when I was in my room for it made me cry so that I was perfectly broken down. When I had recovered the traces as well as I could, I joined the rest and we started on a long drive through the Golden Gate Park for the Cliff House and along the beach; it was a simply perfect day and every moment of it was beautiful and I saw it all and played my part through the day, but in it and through it all you and your sorrow were in my thoughts and at my heart. I am sure I shall never think of the wonderful lie of those mighty Pacific breakers welling up and breaking almost at the horsesGÇÖ feet without thinking of you and of this terrible thing. I telegraphed you Sunday afternoon and hoped for an answer yesterday, but none came. There is nothing to say to comfort you for nothing can make it seem anything but hideously, hopelessly cruel. My motherGÇÖs fate was a terrible one, and I am sure nothing could have been greater torture to the living for those five weeks, but she was spared conscious suffering. While it is terrible that your MotherGÇÖs suffering should be conscious and almost unbearable for you to see it, yet it is a great deal now and probably will be a great comfort in the future to have her conscious at the same time of everything else, of your love and hers, and to have her know that she is dying, so that she can say all the many things there must be to say where one is parting perhaps forever from those one loves. Wednesday, 14th They have all gone to the theatre and I hope I can finish my letter. Your telegrams both came and I was glad to hear that Grace was home safely. What a terrible homecoming for the poor girl! My starting on this long trip was hard enough, but it is still harder when I leave you in such trouble and knowing that it is only the beginning of it. Your feeling seems to me the only possible one the longing that it should be over soon and the worst agony be spared. It is going to be a terrible strain on you, but I am not sure that it isnGÇÖt better that you should have work which must be done and which demands thought. I am sure that the reason that women break down more readily than men under great troubles is because they have no absorbing occupation to take their minds from their sorrows and cares. How I wish I could help you, but I can do nothing except think of you a great deal and long to comfort you. You will write me again this week, I hope, so that the letter may follow us by the next steamer. As you already know, we expect to sail on the 21st, Wednesday, at two oGÇÖclock by the steamer San Pablo, a very nice steamer of about 4000 tons [illegible] carrying not a great many first class passengers and about 700 Chinese in the steerage. We have delightful rooms, all a good deal larger than those in the Atlantic Steamers and the Captain is extremely nice, an American, born in Charleston of a French mother and German father, educated at [illegible] and in command of some of the Charleston batteries during the war, etc etc altogether an interesting man. The people here are extremely polite and hearing that we were sorry to miss the Sandwich Islands (these steamers go directly to Japan) they have arranged to change her course and let her stop at the Sandwich Islands for either one or two days as we choose. Aside from our interest in seeing them, it is very nice to have a break in an 18 daysGÇÖ voyage. Just think of it, between here and Cairo we expect to be more than 50 days at sea! Of course a great deal of the travelling is in inland seas, but it is long nevertheless. Of course it is unfortunate that we could not have started a couple of months earlier, as we shall be obliged to leave out a great deal of interest in order not to encounter fearful heat on the Red Sea. Our sudden decision makes us fearfully busy, as for such a trip one has to be provided with a good many things. Among the pleasant preparations, I spent 2 hours in the dentistGÇÖs chair this afternoon and must go once more. There has really been so much to be talked over and so much to be done that I for one have not seen a great deal of San Francisco, although we arrived a week ago. Monday we spent on the Bay and it was beautiful and restful too although I was feeling very far from bright. I will try to write again before we sail and will send you an outline of the trip we propose, although I suppose it will be a good deal modified. Address for me Care Peter Harvey 618 Market Street San Francisco Until I advise you of another address. With the hope that some of the suffering you fear may be spared to you and to her, Very lovingly yours, Mary E.G.