[Philadelphia] 3rd [month] 28th 1869 My Dear Sister. My heart goes out renewedly toward thee my dear one in the fullness of sympathetic affection as thy note informed us of the grief laying at thy heart on thy own account but joy for the dear one whose happiness may be increased. Oh so well do I know thy feelings that I seem to be living there for thee. None can appreciate them except through [Underlined: Experience]. The realization that we can not longer be [Underlined: first] in the heart of our dearest & most cherished friend is fraught with the keenest sense of agony - & few know the suffering of a sensitive heart, experiencing such torture except those who pass through it. The human Spirit so naturally craves & needs some [Underlined: especial] affection to twine its tendrels lovingly & sacredly around - To be first in [Underlined: some] heart is the innate desire of every woman Soul. I know my dear Sister that this new tie of thy precious Sadie's [Underlined: must] bring suffering to thy gentle Spirit - as she can not be [Underlined: wholly] thy own dear child & sister of thy affection as she has seemed to be, still thy own unselfish heart rejoiced in her joy and gives up the Idol, laying it on the Altar of another Shrine. Still my sister her love affection & respect will [Underlined: ever be thine]. Our [Underlined: happy] Sister says we should "go & do likewise" link our hearts by an inseparable tie to some Manly heart, how easy it is for those to talk thus whom God has so blessed - whose every heart throb is answered by unceasing affection, whose attainment of happiness is Supreme & complete. And - yet - we who know not this joyous delight perhaps alone know what it [Underlined: would be] - a great writer has said "Those who go [Underlined: without, know best,] what it [Underlined: is to have."], "he who never hungered, nor thirsted - nor went weary & desolate & alone - knows not the value of bread - knows not the full joy of love sympathy & affection." I fully appreciate this trial - grief as thee says has lain on thy heart for months - one after another goes. I would my noble Sister that God would offer at the door of thy heart some great loving Soul to love bless & protect thee through life. does thee know - I thought thee was going to tell us of [Underlined: thy own Engagement]. I was not so much surprised as the Bell had told of the report - Still we can hardly realize it - It seems very strange. I [Underlined: hope] he is worthy of our dear beautiful lovely Sadie. does thee think he is -? does he not smoke & chew? - perhaps he will stop for her sake - he ought to, I am sorry Aunt Eliza heard it - it will go the rounds very soon. Now dear Mart I am going to tell thee a [Underlined: Secret] - which has & is weighing on my heart - but yet it is [Underlined: Even] so, Jeannies friendship & mine - is again ruptured - suspended in all probability not to be renewed in this life - [Underlined: Strange fatality], my very soul cries out in agony at times - & I almost feel as if God sanctioned the crushing & rendering of my hearts most cherished affection. I can not say with thee that for years no "thought has divided us" - & it may seem to others that our love was not real - yet I feel & know it was - & deep down in our souls it still lives - I know she suffers as much as I do, The same dividing chord which separated us years ago has again broken the intercourse - the why & where fore of this I can not tell thee - The folks at Darby do not even know we have ceased writing - Samuel & Sallie do & I felt like telling thee dear Sister, I know thee will give me thy sympathy, though thee may think it incomprehensible mysterious - fickle. I can scarcely realize it & think daily of her - we both wrote on the 14th of [February] for the last time. The same cause which suspended our intercourse three years ago, has done it again much to our own astonishment - but I believe in the revealed light of the Angel World the misunderstanding will be rectified & until [Underlined: then] with God's help we will have to wait -. The questions & inquiries of others I dread - it always touches a chord vibrating with pain - & I fain would bury it in my own breast -. though the bitterness is not as great as before there is a calm peace in my soul that I possessed and then - & I am willing to [Underlined: wait]. If I have lost her, I have found a brother - "lost & found again." The golden chain of friendship has been revisited anew, purified through suffering - & by the mercy of our Heavenly father may it ever continue. but all Earthly things are "transient & unstable," though I believe true love is divine & Eternal & the inharmonies often separating loving hearts here, will be made harmonious & perfect in the Life of the Soul, and I can not believe our Father will deprive me of so much that is requisite for me, as to take both away again & yet I will "trust in Him - yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no Evil, for Thou art with me thy rod & Thy staff they comfort me." As these lofty feeling from the heights of Spiritual peace, comforted a lacerated heart thousands of years ago, when from the fullness thereof he breathed forth the utterance, & they have found a response in millions of weary Spirits - who have turned to the inward Comforter & been blessed by the Divine baptism. Surely my dear Sister we have [Underlined: one unfailing] Friend who ever watches & guards us with unerring love, & an ever present Guardian Angel loving & blessing in our severest trial hours, and if we find not the [Underlined: one great hearts] love to fill the measure of our need - let us be stronger and richer in [Underlined: giving] [Crossed out: of what we] to the houseless homeless ones in God's great universe - let [Underlined: our] love flow out to the needy aching hearts all around us - let the "poor in Spirit," the afflicted & sorrow stricken feel the power & sympathy of our love - let the ripplings [Left margin] with much dear love ever loving sis Lyd and waves of our Deeper life flow on, like the beautiful Tides - bearing to other laden shores the joys & hopes & peace of our highest aspirations. I know my best noblest sister is ever doing thus - freighting her life with golden deeds. & if thy heart aches at the [Underlined: loss] which I know it feels - thee will also rejoice in her joy. thy loss will be her gain. I do hope she will find him all she hopes for - & that the sorrow of her young life may be compensated by future happiness. how anxious we will feel to hear more of their plans. Fourth day morn 3 [month] 31st. I did not send this on second day dear Mart as I thought you would be in Charleston & did not know where to direct - Samuel told thee in his last week of Rebecca Hillborn's death - we attended her funeral on 4th day - Dr. Truman spoke to the family & then came down in the parlor laid his hand on the Coffin & spoke beautifully others spoke upstairs -. On 5th day our neighbor [Underlined: Hannah Dutton Ellis] was buried - her death was very sudden - & cast a gloom over the whole neighborhood -. Thee has heard us speak of her & perhaps has seen her - Friend Dutton's only daughter. lived on Brandywine [Street]. married about 18 months since - died in her confinement - was taken 7th day went into convulsions & died 1st day at noon, her baby died in the Eve, a pretty little girl both laid in the same coffin - her poor mother and young husband are overwhelmed with grief. it is so Sad, she had been very well all the time. Sallie saw her in the street 6th day. some one told Sallie they felt that a little one would make their happiness [Underlined: complete]. they anticipated so much. I am writing in the sitting room Mother is here. came in yesterday to the Swarthmore [?] & stayed all night. is going to [?] with Sallie & out home after - I am going down to Concert Hall, it is the 21st anniversary of Modern Spiritualism. Josiah & Rachel Wilson came here to tea last Eve on their way to [Underlined: St. Louis]. he to find business & Rachel to live with Allie - left here at 11 P.M. Josiah P & Bea W were here too. we were glad to see them before going - they seemed very sad at first but got more cheerful. Mary & Anna to stay at Uncle Paxsons. There is an account of a terrible murder at 23rd & Brown in this Morn's paper Sallie just been reading & I have cried till my head aches - will send thee the paper tomorrow - We heard of it last night - a loving husband & father killed his wife little boy & girl & then left the house & walked into the Delaware - drowning himself - [Underlined: previously] writing to her friends in [New England]. that they were [Underlined: murdered] & they were not found till the telegram from [Connecticut] induced a search - it is most terrible - cause [Underlined: Insanity]. I must stop & get ready - hope you are enjoying this week in [Charleston] & will get to see Ellen & Cornelia - Uncle Charles [Underlined: Peirce] & Dr [Underlined: Comly] expect to start South next 2nd day - dont know if they will get to Aiken thought it only 4 or 5 miles from [Charleston] - but we urged it & I hope they will, so you can look for them but don't be disappointed if they dont get there [Envelope] Martha Schofield Aiken. South Carolina.