Voice Over x Shot List x Audio Editing

Opens on black screen
VOICEOVER: “One man”
*horn blast* Zoom in on McClanes face
VOICEOVER: “One city”
*horn blast* City Skyline
VOICEOVER: “One bomb”
*horn blast into bomb ticking noise* Zoom onto a bomb and fades to black while bomb
ticking continues
VOICEOVER: “Will it go off?” *ticking fades out*
shot of dudes face from above (bruce willis so get bald cap?)
VOICEOVER: “NYPD Officer John McClane just wants to see his two little girls for
New Years. (pause) *John Mclane sitting up in bed*
But what he doesn't know is that he is in for a long (pause) *percussion hit* hard
(pause) *percussion hit* surprise.”
John McClane: “I just want to see my two little girls for New Years. Hopefully nothing
goes wrong.” *looks down at crotch area* “Guess my day has already gotten off to a good
start.”
*bomb beeping starts muffled because its under the cover, pulls back cover and we see
the bomb*
McClane: “Oh my god! There’s a bomb strapped to my dick!” POV shot from his angle
looking towards bomb
*phone rings and he immediately picks it up*
Heinz Heckler: *evil german accent like alan rickman in Die Hard 1*:
“Hello my friend, it seems you have found my little surprise”
McClane: “What do you want you German bastard”
Heinz Heckler: “Two million dollars, cash, you’ll leave it in the Starbucks bathroom”
McClane: *says it calmly like he’s forgotten about the stakes and tense music turns off*
“Which starbucks, the one on 49th and 10th?”
Heinz Heckler”: *loses german accent*: “No it’s the one on the Lower east side near
Grand Central”

McClane: “Across from the Sbarro?”
Heckler: “Yeah exactly. I mean *back to aggressive german accidentally* Ja Ja
Exactly.”
McClane: “And what if I say no?”
Heckler: “Well you’re clock, or should i say cock, is ticking. I’ve connected the bomb to
your weiner, so as soon as you lose your, how you say, erection, the bomb will go off,
tearing your bratwurst into ground beef.”
McClane: *zoom in on McClane’s face*: “The stakes have never been higher”
*Intense music crescendos then stops as we cut to black as beeping continues*
*the rest is quick cuts montage intense music of various beats*
https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/424/430/634.jpg

*we hear McClane dialing 911*
Scene 1
Police: “911 whats your emergency”
McClane: “I have a bomb on my dick and I need 2 million dollars:
Police: “Sir is this a prank call?”
McClane: “this is not a fuckin prank my dick is being held hostage i need 2 million
dollars to get it out”
*dial tone (she hung up)*
Quotes on screen: LA Times critic Tony Asaparagus calls it “one of the worst movies of
all time”

Scene 2
*McClane rummaging through the medicine cabinet furiously to find viagra. Quick cuts
of him smashing it then snorting it*
Scene 3

*calling daughters*
McClane: “Girls I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it for New years”
Daughters: “But daddddd. Why not?”
McClane: “uhhhhh.. *looks down at boner* Traffic?”
Scene 4
McClane: “All right 2 million dollars easy, I’ll just do some investing.” Shot of
computer, purchasing bitcoin
Scene 5
*Mclane running around crying with a boner asking people for money*
Scene 6
*checking price of bitcoin while setting lines of viagra*
Quotes on screen: “Bruce Willis calls this movie his “All time low,” saying “he needed the
money to pay alimony to his money-grubbing whore wife”
Scene 7
*we only hear one side of the convo
McClane:
-“Doctor Sanporino?
-Yeah, Yeah I know its late. Its just I got a little problem. You know how it says to call if
I’ve had an erection lasting more than 4 hours?
-How long? Its been about 72 hours.
-My heart rates been at like 185 bpm for the past 2 days. Yeah I know its bad but I’m in a
whole hostage type thing.
-Also would you happpen to have 2 million dollars I can borrow?

Scene 8
Mirror scene in Taxi Driver where De Niro is like, “Oh you talking to me,” but with a
full erection
Scene 9
Shot of McClane checking skyrocketing Bitcoin price waist up
McClane: “Yes, yes, yes finally I can pay Heinz his money back. *gets up to run out the
door* Thank god I can finally lose this erection. *stops in his place* OH SHIT! *looks
down at flaccid* bomb explodes
Scene 10
*In hospital with that heart beat thing beeping or whatever with cast around dick, family
sitting around bed*
*family looks worried*
Mrs. McClane: “Is he going to make it doctor?”
Doctor: “He will survive, his penis is unfortunately not so lucky.”
Mrs. McClane: “Ohhhh, awwkwwarrddddd.” *as she slowly backs out of frame*
The END