DAD: And once her kingdom was safe from the treacherous dragon, the princess lived happily
ever after. The End. *closes book* Alright sweetheart, time for bed.
SALLY: *whining* Daddy, daddy, no not yet ! I’m not ready to go to sleep yet, will you please
read me another one.
DAD: But Sally, this is the third book we’ve read tonight! It’s already 11pm, and you have school
tomorrow. We’ll read more tomorrow night, okay? *goes to turn off the lights*
SALLY: *blurts out* WAIT! Don’t turn the lights out yet! I-I’m scared…
DAD: Aw, honey, what are you scared of?
SALLY: *quietly* There’s a mobster under my bed.
DAD: A monster? Under your bed?!? I thought we put monster traps under there!
SALLY: *rolls eyes at dad joke* Not a monster, silly. A mobster.
MOBSTER: *from under the bed* Badabing badaboom
DAD: *jumps back in shock* W-what?! Who are you?!!? How’d you get in here?
MOBSTER: Much like the U.S. border when we came over from the Boot, your downstairs
window was wiiiiiiide open!
DAD: Well, you can’t stay here under my daughter’s bed. What’s it gonna take to get you out
from under there?
SALLY: An offer he can’t refuse?
MOBSTER: Actually, the Godfather created a very damning stereotype of Italian Americans. In
fact, Sally, I find your remark quite offensive.
DAD: But you are a criminal, correct?
MOBSTER: Well that’s neither here nor there.
DAD: Why didn’t you tell me about this man Sally?
SALLY: Well you told me that I’m too old to believe in mobsters, so Paulie has been sleeping
under my bed for a while now.

DAD: No, I said Monsters, not mobsters. What do you want anyways?
MOBSTER: Let’s just say me and Sally here got a little business to discuss.
SALLY: Yeah, some personal business.
DAD: What kind of “personal business” are we talking about here? Hopefully nothing that could
possibly incriminate me or my daughter.
MOBSTER: Is this fuckin guy wearin’ a wire or something?
SALLY: You wouldn’t understand dad, this is a family matter. Let’s just say Paulie is just looking
out for our best interest.
MOBSTER: Yeah, just think of us like family! We’re looking out for ya, I promise. We even bring
you guys leftovers every Sunday, make sure you get fed
DAD: Is that where all that ziti and meat sauce has been coming from?! I thought your mom
was bringing them back from the PTA meetings
MOBSTER: Nah, you think those broads could make a veal parmesan like my goomah does?!
No one does it better than her.
DAD: This is ridiculous, Sally we need to leave now.
SALLY: Woah slow down there Dad. We’re not done discussing our business. *shoos DAD out
of the room, he leaves*
SALLY: *Turns to mobsters and takes on tone of like boss instead of little girl* So what’s the
fuckin deal huh Paulie? You pay me rent and I give you protection. It would be quite unfortunate
for you guys if you were to neg on this little deal of ours.
MOBSTER: I’m so sorry Don Sallyvatore, we’ll never be late with our payments again.
SALLY: Good, because if you do instead of sleepin’ under my bed you’re gonna be sleepin’
with the fishes.