It seemed to me that they were flustered by my fairly
abrupt appearance. Were they up to something? Who
knows. If there was any homosexual activity taking place
on campus in the early 50s, it was certainly being done very
discreetly and cautiously. To be identified as a homosexual
would have probably resulted in complete isolation (or
worse) from the heterosexuals who were, of course, by far
the larger part of the campus community. In the 50s, there
was simply very little said about homosexuality.

While at Haverford my homosexual feelings were a con-
stant worry and distraction to me. However, I sur-
vived the emotional turmoil, which may have
been no greater than what many other stu-

dents, both heterosexual and homosexual,
were experiencing. While attending Alumni Weekend
this past May, I talked with a gay alumnus from the class of
55 who I knew while at Haverford but did not know was gay.
He told me that while at Haverford, his family was disinte-
grating as a result of his mother’s descent into the tortures of
mental illness. My reaction to his story? Whew! And I thought
I had problems!

After 25 years editing high school science texts for Prentice-Hall and
Cebco Standard Publishing, Ed is currently responsible for purchasing,
storing, and maintaining science equipment for the New York City Lab
School in Manhattan. He and his partner of 30 years live in northeast-
ern Queens.

Being “Different” at Haverford in the 50s

 

by Jim McMasters ‘56

Jim McMasters passed away on March 15, 1999. Israel Burshatin
recalls that Jim “was a wonderful raconteur, devoted Haverfordian,
and, in recent years, member of the Haverford Lambda association
and energetic organizer of his fortieth class reunion, which he
attended in 1996...Our frienship was based not only on our common

Cuban background, but also on his love for the College...What better
words than James's own to remember him by?”

Why “different”? Because in the early 1950s the word “gay” was not widely dis-
seminated; it was just beginning to be used. The terms most commonly in use
were pansy, fruit, fairy, fag (or faggot}, queer and dyke — all derogatory. Now, of
course, the term “gay” is widespread. After checking around and comparing
notes with classmates of mine whom | later found out were gay, | discovered that
| was not alone in my feelings, reactions or doubts.

When | applied to Haverford, | did so for several reasons. | wanted an excel-
lent school (if | could get in) and an all-male college; | had gone to a bi-lingual, bi-
national, co-educational school in Cuba from first grade through high school and
wanted to try something different. | was already gay by then, although | kept it a
personal secret. | also wanted an experience in a Society of Friends ambiance, as
| had come from a long line of Quaker ancestors and had no knowledge or contact
with them, there being no Friends’ Meeting in Cuba. Taking these factors into
consideration made up my mind for me very quickly and easily, eliminating
Swarthmore, Amherst, Williams and Dartmouth. And | was not mistaken,
because my four years at Haverford are among the best memories of my life.

Arriving at the college as a freshman was somewhat of a shock for me. The
medical exam and the swimming test with all that male nudity around surprised
me, for at my high school we had not had a gymnasium nor was there much
emphasis on sports. What a temptation! | guess, despite my sexual preference, |
was somewhat of a prude. | soon got over this when | moved into the “Casa”
(Spanish House), which was the closest thing to fraternity living at Haverford. |

: was thrown in not only with a few other freshman, but upperclassmen as well. There
: was a lot of camaraderie, no modesty and much masculine bragging and boasting
: about sexual prowess and conquests.

But | had to keep my desires hidden and maintain myself faithful to the Protestant

ethic | believed was expected of me, not only by my peers, but also by my family. |
was supposed to date girls, eventually marry and procreate, and generally maintain

: the “front.” So | dated, lost my virginity to a woman (which | found was just not my

: cup of tea, although | had long before lost it to a man), and tried to keep up appear-
ances. | thought | was the only one different in all of Haverford. As it turns out, this

: was not the case, although while | was there | made no contact with any other gays.
We were all in the closet at the time. However, | controlled my desires and had no

: gay experiences at the college until the night before my graduation when | had a mar-
: velous sexual encounter with a guy | had long had a crush on in the class behind me.
: We later continued our very satisfactory relationship for a year of graduate school
where we both happened to be.

Having been born and raised in Cuba | circulated in two separate cultures; | lived a

double existence. | had secret sex with Cubans, kept my hands off my fellow Ameri-

= can schoolmates and maintained the life expected of me in the American colony, dat-
ing girls, going to church, pretending to be what deep down inside me | knew | was

: not. After college, the Army and grad school, | came to Brazil where | met a wonderful
Brazilian with whom | have had a lasting relationship of 36 years. He it was who

: helped me overcome my hangups and accept myself as | am so that today | am not

3 afraid to come out of the closet and admit that | am gay. | am just sorry that in my day
: at Haverford there was no Lambda for us to turn to for guidance, support and under-
standing. We would not all have been such lost souls seeking to sublimate our special
, desires or thinking we were the sole “different” ones on campus. We would have

: been known to each other and able to share our anxieties, hopes, frustrations and

= crushes. It is very satisfying to know that Haverford is still in the liberal forefront and
leading the way to recognition of gays on campuses. The Lambda Alumni are to be

: congratulated for paving the way to make this possible.

 

24

HAVERFORD ALUMNI MAGAZINE