Wednesday, April 8, 1959

a= a

TME COLLEGE NEWS

Page Three

 

Technical Terms
Fuddle Audience

Speaking before a small but
select group Tuesday night in the
Common Room, Dr. Hans Otto
Schiftgenhauser of the French De-
partment of the University of Pei-
ping delivered the first and last
annual Class of 1929 Lecture. Dis-
cussion afterwards was limited as
both members of the audience had
to leave early.

 

 

Dy, Schiftgenhauser’s topic, ot
special interest to those studying

_ the anthropological inferences of

the inter-relations of Czechoslovak-
Brazilian, and _ Indonesian:
words for “reindeer,” was “The
Anthropological Inferences of the
Inter-Relations of Czechoslovakian,
Brazilian, and Indonesian words for
‘Reindeer,’” Dr. Schiftgenhauser is
the foremost—and only—scholar on
this topic today.

Dr. S. prefaced his remarks with
a brilliant 45-minute introduction

to the effect that he was giad to be
speaking here tonight. He asked
the audience’s indulgence if he used
technical terms, those being the
only kind he knew. This was soon
evident. This reporter is sure that
Dr. S.’s remarks would have been
of great value to someone well-
versed in the Czechoslovakian, Bra-
zilian, and Indonesian languages,
but without the incentive of orals,
few Bryn Mawrters seem to have
taken up these fascinating studies,
so much of Dr. Schiftgenhauser’s
message was lost. In fact all of it.

The Class of 1929 Lectures were
originated in a fit. of optimism by
the Class of 1916 who hoped that
if the world were made safe for
democracy the year 1929 would still
find civilization intact. By 1929 this
stipulation was debatable, but
largely through the generous con-
tributions of Lois Baker Marsh
Rockefeller Stevens, one of Bryn
Mawr’s more notable ‘ ‘failures,”
and through the generous if unwit-
ting contributions of her various
husbands was this grant made pos-
sible.

The only requirement left for
the subject matter of the lectures
was that they be of general inter-
est to the average sudent, With
this in mind, plans were made to
present this lecture in a 12:30 all-
college convocation, but this would
have interfered with the weekly
dusting schedule in Goodhart.

ian,

Charred Students
Self-Goc. Decrees

Sunbathing Regulations:

Since from spring vacation until
the Escape at the end of May, the
campus lawns are converted to one
extended bathing blanket, Self-Gov
has again felt it necessary to make
certain precautions against the
trend of rising hemlines and fall-
ing necklines, lest they meet:

1) Novhalters. Explanation: this
is not an ultimatum between halters
-or_nothing, merely an innocent _re- |
minder that

Relaxing
Is taxing
And halters
Falter,

i.e., when
emergencies arise everything may
go halter-skelter.

2) Reflector ovens for purposes

 

of charring one’s flesh above and

 

 

Impassioned Hoopsters Abandon Rules
Climb, Kick, Claw Way To Stirring Tie

The Bryn Mawr basketball team
wound up a sparkling season on
Friday, as it trounced Shipley
School, 4-4. Particularly effective
was the excellent teamwork on the
part of the guards, who unfortu-
nately were covering the wrong
basket. Shipley was able to make
five baskets in the first half, but
four of them were disqualified be-
cause they had been thrown by
specators. ’

The final score for the visitors
was made at the beginning of the
last half. After that, Bryn Mawr
took over the game and in a perfect
delirium of passes, free throws,
and breath-taking long shots, piled
up one point. Talice Odd, playing
her usual daring game, astounded
the spectators by climbing up the
side of the gymnasium and flinging

herself through the basket—a tac-
tic which, as she had forgotten to
take the ball with her, did not
prove successful.

High scorer for Bryn Mawr was

Reida Barbar, who made one _bas-
kets in 51 tries. Vega Macmoyrer
came next, making one _ basket
without trying (she was trying to
throw to forward Sadist Dally, but
missed and caught the ball in the
basket instead).

The fact that the gym floor had
been waxed five minutes before the
start of the game gave a slight ad-
vantage to the Bryn Mawr team,
which had taken the precaution of
wearing cleated shoes. But the real
reason for the success of the team
lay in its excellent passing, throw-

 

ing, blocking, and kicking.

 

Lectures In Prospect

. METHODS AND MOTIVES OF MURDER—Miss Elizabeth Borden, of

Gully Creek, Tennessee, will discuss her personal experiences in this

field on Friday, April 10, at

8:30 in the Common Room. Miss

Borden, known to her friends as Lizzie, has spent 10 years studying

her subject in. the University
sponsored by Interfaith.

of Sing Sing. The lecture will be

 

-~CAN DEMOCRACY SURVIVE UNDER IVAN THE TERRIBLE?

Vs Sponsored by Alliance, Mr. Hilary G. Hilarity of the SPCA and
"Mr. Leon Trotsky Jr. of the University of Siberia will-debate
question in the swimming pool at 3:00 a.m., Saturday, April 11.

Spectators are urged to bring their own rubber tires.

~ e

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 

 

 

 

Bureau of
Recommendations

Babysit: 1 six-year-old and any
assorted friends he may attract,
plus harmless baby. Hours: 24 hrs.
daily Sunday-Saturday. Parents
have given up and are leaving town.

Job for Next Year: Teaching po-
sition, on Main Line. Starting sal-
ary $42 per month. But think of
the prestige. See Miss Farjeon and
your psychiatrist.

Babysit: 1 child, already in bed,
never wakes; well-stocked ice-box;
good rates; hi-fi; transportation.
Forget it, you’re dreaming.

Odd Jobs: Odd people please ap-
ply in person.

 

Veritatem

 

 

Protected By Law
No ‘Halter-Skelter’

beyond the natural damage, done
by nature may not exist in sizes
exceeding 18 square feet due to fire
regulations. Explanation: we don’t
care if people want to singe them-
selves at the expense of a roll of
tinfoil, but the fire chief is un-
sympathetic.

3) Only silent typewriters may
be used on the lawns. Explanation:
louder ones interrupt the healthy

_| flow of conversation, i.e. prattle,

 

X-Ray Machine
Reduces Innards
To Peanut Butter

An emergency meeting of College
Council was called in the Infirmary
at noon yesterday to discuss the
situation which has arisen owing
to an error in operation of the
X-Ray machine which was on cam-
pus in the fall.

A report from the National

 

4 Students blinded from the

glare encountered during their vari-
ous sufferings and parboiling oper-
ations will not be excused from

recitation in classes. _

5) With due respect. to the sol-
emnity of the: Sabbath, academic
gowns must be worn in any sun-
bathing activities on Sundays.

the college thatthe powerful ex-
perimental gamma gamma _ ray
with which the machine was
charged was accidentally released.
by an attendant. The attendant, Dr.
Maurice Knight, Ph.D., B.S., M.S.,
D.D., L1.D., M.D., said, just before
his sudden disappearance, “Well,
geez, how wuz I to know what that
there lever wuz? Nobody never told

me.” Dr. Knight is now being
sought in six states.

Symptoms Explained ,

Symptoms of gamma gamma poi-
soning are not felt until at least
six months after exposure, and
usually begin with a sluggish feel-
ing. This is because the ray works
on the enzymes of the stomach, re-
sulting in a synthesis of food par-
ticles into peanut butter. The pea-
nut butter, pursuing its lackadaisi-
cal way through the veins and
arteries, causes, as a side effect, the
sound of ringing bells whenever the

victim moves his fingers or toes.
Thus, like the lady at Banbury
Crossy apparently an earlier suf-
ferer from the disease, one has
“music wherever she goes.”

Medical Diagnosis

Doctors stress that the disease
is not fatal, but may cause awk-
ward complications such as sticky
fingers and hardening of the arteries
(if. the peanut ,butter converts. to
peanut brittle). Those who have
the disease should endeavor to as-
«certain their blood types—smooth
or crunchy—as soon as_ possible,
since the Skippy and Peter Pan
companies have graciously offered
to supply free blood transfusions.

Commenting on the situation,
president 'y McMarshall said,
“Grypx, I julod narue alphander,

 

ding, ding, tinkle tinkle.”

 

lonic Reaction Not Doric or Corinthian;
Galileo Tremulously Discovers Valance

The Paoli Foundation for the
Attrition of Achievement. in the
Physical Sciences has awarded a
grant to Bryn Mawr for advanced
study of the Ionic reaction. This
chemical process, not to be con-
fused with the quantitatively simi-
lar Doric and Corinthian reactions,
was discovered in Greece about
500 B.C. when a rather buoyant
crown salesman named Archimedes
was hit on the head by an apple
near the excavations on the rapidly
developing Acropolis.

Stunned by the impetus of the
crimson globule into sudden cog-
nizance of the Base as the essence
of the Ionic reaction, Archimedes
leaped to his feet and, frantically
waving his apple and shouting
“Eureka,” rushed to rouse his aged
colleague Herodotus from the bath.

Herodotus, with the rationality
unique to the genuinely synthetic
thinker, at onc¢ saw the suitability

-|of the find foy a literary form and

 

adapted it to the four-syllable foot

| which still/ distinguishes it from

similar iambic or trochaic polymer-
izations.
After /the death of Herodotus,
little progress was made in the
study /of the ionic reaction until,
almost a thousand years later, a
draper named Galileo, while flying
2 attached to a key from the top
of, the Tower of Pisa, accidentally

 

  
  
 
   
   

- | dis d the Valance. Tremulous

 

 
 
 

 

  

ith: wicitimant at the possibilities
for application of the discovery -to

~ é a

his curtain business, he inadver-
tantly dropped both kite and key
from his lofty perch. At that
moment, Sir Isaac Newton, stroll-
ing at the base of tower, noted the
falling articles and, with a thrill
akin to eestasy, observed that the
lead key and paper kite, though of
different densities, landed at the
same moment. On the basis of this
evidence he formulated the famous
Quantum (corruption of Kite-uhm)
Theory. : :
The final great break-through in
the understanding of the Ionic re-
action did not come, however, until
the early twentieth century, when
the discovery of the Calory and Rye
Crisp brought increased knowledge
of the principles of Reduction re-

actions.
Flash!

Flash! Reliable sources report
that all Gaul has been divided into
three parts. However, government
officials are still scrutinizing the
message, and several alternate in-
terpretations have been suggested:
1) All three divisions in Gaul have

parted. +
2) The Three Gauls in all parts

have divided.
“si par. SpE OE
The U.P. will have to learn to

 

be clearer in its word order.

Health Service has just informed

8) There are three divided Gauls ir in