THE COLLEGE NEWS _THE COLLEGE NEWS | (Founded in 1914) | WITS END : es Bree COE ur ; { abled weekly. during the College .Year (excepting ri Thanksgiving, Easter Holidays, and during examination weeks) in the interest of Bryn Shree College at the Maguire Building, Wayne, Pa., and Bryn Mawr College. The College Néws is fully protected by copyright. Nothing that appears in it may be reprinted either wholly or in part, without written permission of the Editor-in-Chief. Copy Editor . Nancy Hart, "34 | Sports Editor SALLY Howe, "35 “Editor-in-Chief SALLIE JONES, °34 News Editor J. EvizapetH Hannan, "34 : Editors - : . ELIZABETH MACKENZIE, °34 GERALDINE Rnoaps, °35 ee. _ Frances PorcHer, °36 , CoNSsTANCE ROBINSON, °34 a Frances’ VAN KEuREN, °35 Diana, TATE-SMITH, '35 . Subscription Manager ~ Business Manager g DoroTHy KALBACH, °34 BarBaRA Lewis, °345 : . Assistant MarGarReET BEROLZHEIMER, °*35 DorEEN Canapay, "36° SUBSCRIPTION, $2.50 MAILING PRICE, $3.00 SUBSCRIPTIONS MAY BEGIN AT ANY TIME Entered as second-class matter at he Wayne, Pa., Post Office The Last Gasp As we bend over our faithful typewriter for the last time of a Monday morning we feel really quite sad about the passing of our ! glory and the coming of a new, and perhaps better, age. For two _ years the present seniors on the board of the News have planned the celebration which they would hold to commemorate the joyous moment now that that time is upon us, we feel unaccountably unhappy about it and the desire to sit upon the ground and tell sad stories of the death of kings sweeps over us at frequent intervals. Whether or not the readers of our noble paper will mourn our demise is a matter of opin- “ion; if they do not we probably will not notice the omission as we will be fully occupied in bemoaning it ourselves. But,. while we are concerned with our memorial services, another board will have stepped into our shoes, and the News.will have gone by, another of the signposts on the road to journalistic immortality. The 9 fact which has always impressed us most strongly in connection with the News is that, in spite of periodically changing boards, it comical to maintain a certain continuity of character that survives the influence - to maintain a eertain continuity of character. That this should be true is an indication that the News belongs actually to the college as a whole and not to that group. which happens to be in control at any given moment. The assistance which the college can lend the editors by their support is much greater than would be imagined at first glance. No paper can long endure and prosper if its clientele is indifferent in its attitude, or destructive in its criticism. The News depends almost entirely upon the goodwill of its readers for its continued existence, and for this reason the present editors wish to avail themselves of their last editorial opportunity to thank the subscribers for their support in the _ past, and to commend the News to their future attention. The policies of the entering board may not be those of the deceased, and the methods of enforcing an editorial policy upon the attention of the public may not be the same, but the college may rest assured that their interests are being left in safe and competent hands. The new board will make every attempt to fulfill the specifications of the under- graduates as regards the type of paper they want, and all they ask in return is goodwill and a certain amount of co-operation during crises. We have no desire to burst into editorial tears at this point, or to indulge in a long harangue about the future that we hear lies before us, or the past that we know lies behind us. | about the character and the future of Bryn Mawr regularly every _ Monday morning for two years and there are certain ends which we j should like to see achieved within these ivied walls before we are plac- ed firmly beneath the sod. As they demand slight explanation we will witen they should no longer be the servants of public opinion. But, | But, we have thought | "RIDE THE FOUR HUNDRED Perambulating quite de luxe The puny little infant pukes With blasé air upon his ride Along the Hudson Riverside. —Snoop-on-the-Loose. Dear Mad-in-the-Hat, My name is big chief~ Ink-on-the- nose. I am American Indian. I am the only co-ed in Bryn Mawr. . They say I very fortunate. I do not know. I know I frightened and lonely. The other day I go to class. I get as far as door and hear hiss. I run 'and hide behind pale-face squaw on tree trunk. She very big with lumpy hair—I think she have name Venus. A big chief fuzz-in-the-face asks me what.is trouble. I tell him about-hiss, He grin and say it only thermostat. I ask him what kind of snake is that? He say it is not snake, but just lot of hot air. .He open mouth and laugh. I do not understand. : Please forgive me much in writing you. I have first idea of writing squaw with name Dorothy Dix. But a papoose, I mean say freshman, she say she only write when she do some- thing wrong. I have done nothing wrong. I just sad man. None like me. Big squaws tell me I have no merits. I do not understand. Humbly yours, —A Blue Redskin. MUSEUM FEET O! painful aftermath Of treading culture’s path! O! let me make my moan On museum floors of stone! It is so hard upon the earth To look at fragments on the march (Whereas I like to gawp in zoos Upon.-inhabitants in twos). With no apologetic “buts” I swear I haven’t got the guts To walk so very, very far To gaze upon minal objets d’art. —Aesthete. PHILOSOPHIC GEOMETRY Fragment I: It may be that I simply am Without intellectual clarity, ‘But really I don’t give a damn For the essence of triangularity. Fragment II: A square is a square and. always a square Be it non-existent here or there, And it is what saved Descartes from despair, .~..., ‘ Because through his doubting ra trusted the square. —Minor Philosopher. RUS IN URBE Come is the day of the double decker, Swarming the genus rubbernecker, | On the up and up in the upper half, ; Are a lot of people taking the gaff Of the insane wind coming out of the blue That stretches above Fifth Avenue. —Suburbite. ROCKEFELLER RETURNS TO THE DARK AGES confine ourselves to listing them. We should like to see: (1.) The bushes in front of the Library devoured by Japanese | beetles before the horrifjed eyes of whoever is responsible for them. a (2.) Two vegetables at luncheon and dinner in the halls, instead | Bs of some of the fantastic concoctions to which we are at present sub- jected in the name of “a change.” (3.) A system of marking whereby the disparity in marks so noticeable at the last mid-year period might be eliminated. (4.) A system whereby all marks should be known only to their proud owner unless they were so good that she felt constrained to noise them abroad, or unless they were so poor that she felt the need of consoling herself by asking everyone else what the Gods had brought them. [ (5.) eM tthe only course taken by their sreduita: We have sear S thought that -* if the professors did the work themselves at the same time that the “students were doing if there would be fewer overworked undergradu- ates: . : (6.) A recognition by the resident undergraduates of certain truths about “community living; (a.) The preferenee of a minority -eannot be made the choice of the majority, 1. e., when three people want to use the smoking room as a study and the rest of the hall wants to use it as a lounge—it should be a lounge. (b.) The Library is the logical place for those individuals to study who cannot bear the slight- est noise in their vicinity while attempting to concentrate. (c¢c.) Bryn is Mawr i is slightly advanced socially over the ordinary prep-school and ' seems a shame that disciplinary measures long endeared to the hearts | prep-school heads should have.to be instituted to keep the infants _A system WwW wher eby the professors might be prevailed upon to | Sh! Sh! We must not make a sound, | Though twenty odd people are gath- | ered around, We must not make a sound. Sh! Sh! Whisper if you must. Although yéu are aching to stream ’til you bust, Whisper if you must. Sh! Sh! coming down the stair. Take off your shoes for heels disturb the air, Coming down the stair. || The quiet ae is here, Sh! Sh! The quiet hour is here. It’s after ten-thirty, the warden’s wrath we fear. Ln | Sh! Sh! pai going out from dinner. Don’t stop to tell your best friend she’s looking much thinnér, When going out from dinner. Sh! Sh! It’s, boarding-school again. We thought we were twenty, but we’ve found we’re only ten. It’s ’s ‘boarding-school again. —Grown Up. Flotsam-jetsam has a very techni- cal meaning which, no one knows but such as are Marine Lawyers. When a ship sinks and only when a ship sinks and refuses to come to the top again, flotsam and jetsam are pro- duced, not both in the same way how- ever. One is made in, one way and one in a very different way. Flot- sam is: more or less passive and jet- sam as the name implies is active. When the passengers of a boat see the ship about to sink, naturally the first thing they think of is how to eep it above the water so they throw out everything they can lay their hands on in hope of saving them- selves. In case they are disappointed and sink, jetsam results and it comes under the head of wreccum maris in the-law--books.. But if the passengers decide that they do not want to throw things overboard, as someone might come along and save them from their fate, and then the ship. sinks with all hands on board and cargo floats to the top, that is flotsam. Cheero— THE MAD HATTER. Scavenger Hunt Promises ~ Hilarious Evening for All Scavenger hunts have been very common throughout the nation of late, but the Hunt promised for the Wed- nesday after vacation will be of a variety completely unknown to date. There will be sweepstakes on the va- rious teams of faculty and under- graduates, a talk on Germany by Miss Ely, unprecedented prizes for the vic- tors, and plenty of refreshments to top off an evening of sports. Teams are forming all the time for the big event: the Willing Wardens, led by Miss Ferguson; Dr. Flex- ner’s Bully Boys, and the Diez Dash- aways. Numerous’ undergraduate teams have also signed up with the backers of the Hunt, Terry Smith and Bunny Marsh. The schedule for the evening is sim- ple and should be very agreeable to follow. The teams are to meet under Pembroke Arch or in the vicinity if things get crowded, and from there proceed by car, bicycle, or foot to scavenge. Having scavenged until they are worn out, they may sink then into a well-earned rest at Miss Ely’s, where they will hear their host- ess talk in her usually amusing fash- ion as they are refreshed. Everyone not in the infirmary or otherwise incapacitated is urged to appear on the scene Wednesday night, April 4, and join in the fun. There are certain small preliminaries nec- essary, as the managers of the Hunt wish to be notified of what teams are entering so that they may make up their book forthe sweepstakes. The price for all this humor is only sev- enty-five cents and you may: be able to make it up if you bet wisely, so don’t fail to make the small initial investment. Any further information may be ob- tained from Smith or~Marsh, Pem- broke West, who are running the Hunt. : seetion. of the last. in t hand so the grey beards can live in peace. 7, 2 A realization on the part of the undergraduates ‘that they have come to Bryn Mawr to learn; and that there are many avenues to knowledge open. to them other than those of the lecture room, and quiz There are our dying wishes, and as we gaze at ies we are amazed to see how completely they contradict all the deep-seated eas which we held when we were freshmen. upon us in earnest, and that being the fact we shall retire to our rheum- atism, and ruminate on how the News was run in our day. Allow us to commend it to you as an institution.worthy of your support, and may we suggest that you hold none of the grudges against the. new board which provided us all with so much amusement during the regime The new board is composed of really charming people, and if the subscribers do not succeed in ruining their dispositions before they get started, all should go very well indeed. Sea a ° ns It all goes to show that age is ee 2 News of the New York Theatres After the furore created by Fred Astaire in Flying Down to Rio we feel.that we should keep-his-collegiate public informed of his life and hard -times to the best of our ability, and we offer as an opening’ wedge the item that after the film was complet- ed, and Fred saw it in a projection. room, he was so horrified that he rais- ed every cent he could find in the world and tried to buy it from Metro- Goldwyn-Mayer so he could tear it into very small pieces and throw it far away. He thought everything about it was awful, and the sight of himself going through the throes of the numerous dances made him shud- . der with apprehension for his. fu- ture. Fortunately for the “Bryn Mawr public, Metro liked it and re- fused to part with it for- love or money. Which all goes to show that Fred Astaire is a modest, retiring young man, and not in the least aware of the fact that down on the . Main Line there is a colony of young women who Carioca to bed and to breakfast. . Perhaps it’s just as well that he doesn’t know about all this liberal adapting of his medium to the specifications of academic joints and library muscles. The dear Bryn Mawr girl as a type was never meant to bloom.like an orchid in the. moon- light, and no amount of torturous winding..about. the campus _is going to change the fact. The present theatrical season is more or less over as far as new plays are concerned and the minds of most of the producers are teeming. with plans for the season to come. How- ever, before we launch into the prom- ises for next season, there are a few things in the here and now that would bear a little explanation. Charles Dillingham held both, thumbs and brought into town a revue in which there was not one seasoned performer nor one known librettist, scene de- signer, or stage hand. The thing was honestly called New Faces and every- one went to work, and hoped every night for five silent minutes before rehearsal, that they would get through the. opening chorus before all the first nighters went home for their sherry and biscuits taken after a par- ticularly stiff dose. They saw their prayers come true in a triumphant manner, for they were all so enthusi- astic about life and they played with so much spirit and gave every estab- lished: institution such a superior go- ing over that the jaded older gen- eration loved it. The audiencg all passed out of the theatre murmpring “Youth, youth, Ah, what a marvelous thing is youth” and the show was made. about it like one talks about an in- cubator baby—‘“marvelous what sei- ence can do,” and all the rest of it. As a matter of fact-the show is real- ly very funny indeed, and done in ‘the best blase manner which its children can affect. They submit the bird to the English Players by doing a scene in which the diction and enunciation are so perfect that no one word can be understood; Nancy Hamilton does a Katherine Hepburn, which amused even Miss Hepburn, who sneaked down from Olympus for the evening; there is a lively song entitled J Hate Spring, which shows you just how startling. are the ideas of the flaming post war theatrical generation, and, all in all, for forty-three scenes youth holds the stage and the old and aged roar with pleasure to see the little ones having wien a hell of a time. . The Group Theatre, which is the proud parent of Men in White, is opening Gentlewoman, a play by John Howard Lawson, on Thursday, and it should be very good indeed. Mr. Lawson’s last play concerned a sacred city in Thibet, and no one was at all interested, so this year he has moved York mansion of the vintage of 1934 and has created a love story that has all the sophistication that he found it impossible to put over in Thibet. Stella Adler and Claudia Morgan are. the two cheeriest souls in it — and there is also Morfis Carnovsky. Mean-: while, Men in White runs on, and the cast has to find new ways of keeping up interest in the thing after the two hundred mark has flown past them. On St. Patrick’s day they played the’ whole first act in Irish dialect and it went over beautifully except that Ed- ward Bromberg kept forgetting just which dialect was his native one. Beatrice Lillie is at present in Lon- : (Continuea on Page Four) All New York is talking - ae